


Nat 20

by Classpectanon



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Homestuck
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Tabletop Gaming, Canon-Typical Violence, Curses, Death Threats, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, F/F, Fantasy, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, RPG, Roleplaying Character, death mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18815116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon
Summary: "When you said we were going to roleplay together, I didn't think you meant, uh,this, Vwhiskers..."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oncewewerezombies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncewewerezombies/gifts).



> "Roleplaying girls having fun together. Something silly and a little bit light. Any setting is cool as long as it's angst-free."
> 
> Updates every Saturday outside of swap seasons.

"When you said we were going to roleplay together, I didn't think you meant, uh, _this_ , Vwhiskers..."

Vriska's apartment was in its usual state - a mess - but it was clear that she had put in a modicum of effort cleaning the place up. Pillows had been propped up but not fluffed, trash was shoved into a trashcan haphazardly, sticking out of the top of the tall container like a blooming plant, unlike the many withered plants Vriska had purchased in an attempt to teach herself mindfulness. The cleanest part of the apartment was doubtlessly her kitchen table, which had literally everything important on it shoved aside and piled into a corner, chairs pulled out to seat her three players. It took a lot of doing, but Vriska had managed to convince her girlfriend, her girlfriend's girlfriend, and her girlfriend's girlfriend's girlfriend (Terezi, Nepeta, and Aradia, respectively) that it would be a fun time to come over to her place and try out some roleplaying, Vriska style.

Terezi, obviously, knew exactly what she meant. Vriska didn't really talk to Aradia that much but she was sure Aradia was, on some level, aware, considering who was hosting the big dice-rolling jamboree, but Nepeta, poor, sweet Nepeta, was seriously and sincerely blindsided by the whole affair. She thought this was going to be some kind of "show up with your laptop, sit down on the couch, watch a movie, write on Google Docs" sort of affair, and yet, here Vriska was with a bunch of books, a big folder thing to hide her face, and holy shit, so many dice. A, frankly, irresponsible amount of the plastic polyhedrons scattered about.

That was about three hours ago, and she had grown somewhat used to it by now. Or maybe it was numbness? Or perhaps the pizza that Vriska had so cheerfully ordered up as a magnanimous show of force, to prove that she was not quite the grumpy person that Nepeta and Aradia were convinced she was. She was trying so, so hard. Nepeta thought it was a little cute. It sat in her stomach, cheese and bread and sauce forming a lovely conglomeration of fullness while she sat in her chair, tapped her papers to the table, and Vriska peeked out from behind the DM wall to give her a full, toothy grin.

"I think I'm finished my character, Vwhiskers!" Nepeta told her, passing her the three sheets while Vriska removed her headphones. She didn't want to be too privy to what they were planning, so she was listening to the bangingest metal she could find, partially for noise blocking, partially because she liked it. Vriska gave it a cursory glance, several of the notes in Nepeta's background hitting instinctive notes in Vriska that made her want to reject it outright - but Nepeta was a newbie, and didn't know any better, and c'mon, Vriska, relax a little. She silently sighed at herself and passed it back to Nepeta, flashing a smile.

"Looking good!" Vriska said, and then knocked over her DM curtain, whipping her laptop out. "I got tired of peeking past that, and all my notes are here anyway." Terezi stifled a chuckle and removed the foldable sheet from its position on top of their map, throwing it underneath the table with her omnipresent, smug grin. Not that she had anything in particular to be smug about besides the masterful social manipulation required to bring all these disparate personalities together for a night of tabletop role-playing games. It was a shame that Tavros couldn't come along, but when schedules don't fit, schedules don't fit. C'est la vie! "So! Let's go around the table and you'll all have a couple of sentences to tell me about your characters!"

Vriska pointed a single finger gun at Terezi, which was usually all she could accomplish without some heavy finagling on her part, and the sharp-tongued law student spoke thus: "Myyy character is the stern and serious-", quickly earning a small nudge in the side by both Vriska and Nepeta simultaneously, amused in the irony, "Neophyte Redglare, an Elvish Fighter that uses some homebrew rules from the internet as an Iaijutsu Practitioner for her Martial Archetype, except I've refluffed them a little bit. Vriska's already given me the approval, but she's basically like a bounty hunter, except  _way_ cooler and way more concerned about the law. She knows a lot of tricks and japes, and loves her hidden weaponry." She explained, presenting the somewhat crudely drawn sketch of a tall, pointed Elvish woman with a sword flourished towards the distance. Despite the art itself being lackluster, it packs a lot of interesting posture and dynamics into the cramped drawing.

"And what's her first name? Does she have one?" Aradia asked, leaning her hands into her chin with a soft smirk.

"Yes. It is Latula. Latula Redglare." Terezi replied, tapping her character sheet like she was presenting notes to a group project. "But she'll never say that to your face."

Nepeta chuckled off on her side of the table while Vriska moved her pointer finger towards her. "Alright! How about you, Nepeta?"

"Well, um, my character is a werecat who's lost her memory and only knows herself by the letters "AC"! Her real name is Meulin but she won't be finding that out for a while, hee hee. Um, Terezi helped me with the other stuff and the race thingies, and she's a level four Ranger! She can do things like turn her hands into cat claws tempurrarily, and she's a really good hunter and tracker! But what she's really after is the truth of her past!"

Terezi and Aradia looked at each other thoughtfully. Vriska's hands went tap-tap-tap-tapa at her keyboard, an idea brewing in her mind. A bounty hunter with a hidden name and a werecat with no memory, also interested in hunting? This could form an interesting little story arc by its lonesome.

"And what about you, Aradia?" Vriska asked, finally moving her pointer finger to the last of the three players at the table like she was shifting a pointer on a board game with a spinner that you had to flick and it went -wishshwishshwishshwish- until it stopped. Aradia gently spread out her character sheet for all to see, prompting Nepeta to do the same thing so that everyone could see their numbers and drawings. Nepeta's was done with the stenciling of an expert artist, or, at least, the only one of them with any sort of formal training, while Aradia's was somewhere between Terezi's and Nepeta's in quality, but had a strange, almost disconcerting stiffness to it.

"My character is a Golem Sorceress modeled after a Satyr named Damara, who she's never met. She doesn't have a name for herself, so she just calls herself the Handmaid, but she'll reply to Damara if you try to use it to get her attention. She awoke in a tower alone, long after her creator had died, and is off in a hunt for the person she is modeled after, based on some cryptic notes she found on his skeleton. She's being chased by a couple of nebulous bad guys due to the fact that her magical core allows her to cast spells and be detected as having a soul. Also, I have a custom Sorcerous Origin that Vriska helped me work on, for plot reasons. And also because I wanted to make some compromises! You'll find out all about her, she's so cool!" Aradia rattled off, her 'talk' switch getting turned on, and then back the other way, while Vriska sagely nodded, slightly more vigorously once her handiwork was mentioned.

Then, she began furiously typing up a veritable storm - at least, as quickly as you could with nerve damage in one arm - infusing her previous plot outline with elements from all three characters. She always felt this kind of mad rush of creative energy when she had no idea what was coming next, which was why she didn't want to influence their characters, although clearly, they had all seemed to influence each other, at least a bit. "I think I can definitely work with this!" Vriska half-yelled, half-mumbled to herself. While she feverishly modified her plans, everyone else snacked and conversed amongst themselves, and she completely, one-hundred-percent tuned them the fuck out. There was a full fifteen minutes of rapid typing, and then, silence. Vriska took a deep breath, covered her mouth to stifle a burp, and then the sound of soft rain began to filter through some strategically placed Bluetooth speakers.

* * *

VRISKA: Alright. So. Here's the scene - a dark forest, massive trees so tall they blot out the sun, thick enough to form a dizzying labyrinth. This is the Forest of the Lost, and in it, a clearing, a fire raging, the stinging sizzle of raindrops hitting its orange glow while three badass adventurers sit. The Neophyte sits on a bedroll, the Handmaid, on the ground, and AC, on the stump of a felled tree. Oh, and, uh, for the record, hold two fingers up when you're speaking in character so we know. Otherwise, I'm going to assume that you're speaking out of character. The three of you met in the nearest town, with the Neophyte recruiting assistants for her latest hunt, with the promise of good pay - it's the biggest bounty you've ever seen, for a man only known as Dualscar, and his assistant, the Prince of Rage. What does everyone know about each other so far?  
TEREZI: The Neophyte has told them only her title, and the information she knows about her latest bounty. Uh, what do we know?  
VRISKA: Dualscar is wanted for crimes against the Empress, and the Prince of Rage is one of her court magicians who is threatening to expose state secrets to the Empress's enemies.  
TEREZI: Right. I've told them that much.  
NEPETA: AC is an open book! She told them all about what she remembers, which is pretty much nothing,   
VRISKA: Oh! Before I forget. Sorry, Nepeta. One sec. If you have any, like, secret DM plans you want to share with me for, like, plot twists and shit, let me know. Text me and it'll pop up on my computer. Okay, keep going, Nepeta.  
NEPETA: Oh! Um, alright.

Already, both Aradia and Terezi have begun texting Vriska underneath the table.

NEPETA: Well, for some reason, she feels like she knows something about the Prince of Rage, and since he's purrobably a skilled magician, he might have some clues as to her identity!  
ARADIA: The Handmaid doesn't have a personal connection to either of the two people they're chasing, but the town wasn't providing any sort of clues to her past and it was getting boring, so she figured she'd hitch a ride with them. She gave them a demonstration of her sorcery and they were both immediately enthused.  
TEREZI: Redglare was unimpressed, actually, but ceded to her superior skill in magecraft and decided she'd be useful.  
NEPETA: AC was very enthusiastic! She can't do any magic and she doesn't really know enough to know that Golems performing magic is weird.  
ARADIA: Right.  
VRISKA: Cool.  
ARADIA: "So, why exactly is it that we decided coming to a place known as the "Forest of the Lost" was a good way to get ourself closer to their trail?" The Handmaid asks, rolling her eyes a little until they landed on the Neophyte.  
TEREZI: "Well, that's simple. For one, it's the shortest path with the least resistance over to the neighboring country, and for two, we're not actually lost. Right, AC?" Redglare replies, gripping her cane with a smug grin.  
NEPETA: AC looks up at them a little... confused? She's confused.  
TEREZI: The Neophyte smiles and reaches into her pocket. She's prepared well for any occasion, and taking advantage of her compatriot's leonine capabilities is an easy way to get a leg up on their prey.  
VRISKA: Um, do you have something, Terezi?  
TEREZI: Yeah, check your texts, nerd!  
VRISKA: Oh! One sec.  
VRISKA: Okay, yeah, that's fine.  
TEREZI: Redglare produces a small fragment of wood with a glowing shard of some kind attached to it. "This was given to me by the consigliere of the Empress when I took the assignment. It's a fragment of the Prince of Rage's old wand. Do you think either of you could do something useful with this?"  
NEPETA: Oh! This is where I roll for Tracking, right?  
VRISKA: Well, first you have to describe how you're using your skill, and then I'll give you permission to roll or not.  
NEPETA: Okay, well, I, I mean, AC has an almost supernatural tracking ability from some of her Hunter levels. I, uh. From her previous experience that she can't remember. So she's going to see if she can use some of that to see if there's a trail from the wand that they can follow? Like, of magic or anything.  
VRISKA: Yeah, that parses.  
NEPETA: Alright!

There's a clatter of dice against the table.

NEPETA: I got a 13, is that good?  
TEREZI: Don't forget your racial and stat bonuses.  
NEPETA: Oh, right! That's, um... That's 18 all totaled?  
VRISKA: Looks right to my math. So, it's faint, but you can detect a trail of magic from the wand shard that's obviously strongest near Redglare, but, astoundingly, there's the faintest hints of it from the Forest as well! It seeeeeeeems that the Prince of Rage has been through here, at least with his broken part of the wand, for whatever reason.  
NEPETA: Alright! AC gingerly takes the piece of wand out of Redglare's hands and stares at it like she's ready for it to jump out and yell the answers to her. Bringing it close to her nose, her top ears twitch a little while she sniffs it.  
ARADIA: Her top ears?  
NEPETA: Yeah! She's a little transformed at all times but she usually hides it with a hood.  
ARADIA: Hmm.  
NEPETA: Is that okay?  
ARADIA: Oh, absolutely! I like it, actually.  
NEPETA: Yay! Alright, she points to the space between the trees. "The Purrince has been through this forest before, and not too long ago, too!"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid is bemusedly skeptical. "And how can you tell that?" She asks, playfully sticking her tongue out. "Kidding, I believe you."  
TEREZI: "As do I. I also believe it would be in our best interests to make our way to the Prince and Dualscar sooner, rather than later."  
ARADIA: The Handmaid is the first to get up, and stretches her limbs in an affectation of typical sentient being behavior. "I can carry the camping equipment. Shall we?"  
VRISKA: Wait, you guys are leaving?  
ARADIA: Yeah, I figured we had already done the whole camp thing, rested up, stuff like that?  
TEREZI: Me too.  
NEPETA: Me too!  
VRISKA: Oh, yeah, alright, I guess.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid looks upwards and uses a little telekinetic spell to pry open the canopy enough to drench the fire in rainwater, putting it out.  
NEPETA: Yeah! Let's go adventuring!

Vriska and Terezi share a quick, wry little glance.

VRISKA: Of course! But first... Why don't you all roll for initiative?


	2. Chapter 2

One again, the clattering of dice against the table's wooden construction produces a raucous sound, the kind that's music to Vriska's fine-tuned ears. The d20s go out, a jumble from Vriska's hand, while she talks. "Since this is Nepeta's first time we're going to be using the turn-by-party rules for the baddies instead of the turn-by-character rules. You know, just so you know."

 **Nepeta has rolled a 19!** **Aradia has rolled a 6!** **Terezi has rolled a 13!** **Vriska has rolled a 12!**

NEPETA: Alright, so, um...  
TEREZI: See on your sheet where it says '+INI', add that to your roll.  
NEPETA: So I have a 22!  
VRISKA: Jesus fuck.  
ARADIA: Wow. 6.  
TEREZI: 15.  
VRISKA: 15. So the turn order is going to be Nepeta, then the mooks, and then Terezi, and then Aradia.  
NEPETA: Do we not roll for tiebreakers?  
TEREZI: When it's tied, the person with the higher base roll wins, and if they're both the same, it defaults to the players.  
VRISKA: When it's- yeah. That. Anyway, as all of the camping equipment gets loaded into a rucksack for the Handmaid to carry, there's a rustling in the leaves above. AC is the first to notice, with her keen animal senses, and manages to back out of the way in time to avoid a rough-hewn, rusted sword dropping from the sky!  
ARADIA: Oh, jeez.  
VRISKA: Followed up shortly by a small cloaked figure, and then several others! They're all at around chest-height, with some variation, four figures, stocky and broad, with clawed, fuzzy hands.  
NEPETA: !!!  
ARADIA: Four against three hardly seems fair.  
TEREZI: Yeah, that's not nearly enough for their side.  
NEPETA: Hahaha, can we do that but in character?  
ARADIA: Yeah, sure! The Handmaid snaps her fingers, summoning a purple wisp of flame in her palm. "Four against three hardly seems fair, doesn't it?"  
TEREZI: Redglare grins cockily, pushing out the first inch of her blade from its cane. "It really doesn't. They'd need at least twice this many."  
NEPETA: Does talking take up our turn?  
VRISKA: Not when it's cool.  
NEPETA: Yay! AC is going to bare her teeth and growl.  
TEREZI: No quips?  
NEPETA: I'm... I can't think of one right now. I'll quip for the next one!  
ARADIA: Sure, sure. Your action, Nepeta.  
NEPETA: Oh, right. Um.

There's the sound of shuffling index cards as Nepeta looks at all of her spell-like actions, neatly written and arranged in her signature cutesy handwriting.

NEPETA: I'm going to use "Terrifying Roar" and shapeshift into my Werecat form, if that's okay?  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah. I'll roll for their spell save. Wisdom, right?  
NEPETA: That's what my sheet says! Um, 8 plus "Proficiency" plus my Wisdom score, that's 11, right? VRISKA: Yeah, that adds up.  


**Vriska has rolled a 2!**

ARADIA: Pff, wonder when your dice luck's gonna run out?  
NEPETA: Nefur!  
VRISKA: Alright, so that's going to beat their Wisdom save by a country fucking mile, hahahaha.  
NEPETA: Yeah!!! AC rears back and lets out a mighty, powerful roar that rustles the treetops as her body turns cat-like and sharp, huge claws emerging from her fingertips!  
VRISKA: The frontmost of the figures, the one with the sword, is gonna back away 'cuz he's scared shitless until he succeeds his Wisdom save. The other three are taking a disadvantage to their attack actions, well, they all are, but they're the ones trying to do something about it. The backmost one starts chanting an unknown language, while the other two flourish daggers and charge for AC.

**Vriska has rolled a 1 and an 11! Vriska has rolled a 19 and a 6!**

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha, fuck!  
TEREZI: Christ, hahaha.  
NEPETA: Wait, why did you roll four dice for two attacks again?  
VRISKA: Oh yeah, I forgot you're new to this, hahahaha. Your roar gave them disadvantage because they're scared, which means they have to roll twice for attacks and ability checks and take the lower numbers.  
NEPETA: Oh, cool! So they both miss?  
TEREZI: You got it!  
NEPETA: The felicitous feline fighter fearlessly dodges out of the way of their outstretched daggers, easily avoiding their attack. She lets out a derisive snort to let them know she means business!  
TEREZI: Alright, I'm going to just make a normal attack and move behind the guy. Just know that it's going to be a totally cool, weeby flash step. I just didn't wanna burn my big hits yet.  
VRISKA: Go for it!

**Terezi has rolled a 7!**

VRISKA: Any bonuses enough to bring that over?  
TEREZI: Nah, but I still move anyway.  
VRISKA: Right. So you miss the gn- the hooded assailant, but still end up behind him anyway.  
TEREZI: With a flick of her blade, Redglare disappears for an instant, only to re-appear behind one of the attackers, sword-cane outstretched. Anddddd failing to hit them at all. Whoops.  
NEPETA: It's okay, we'll get them next turn! Now Aradia goes and then we roll saves, right?  
ARADIA: Yeah, you're catching on quick!  
NEPETA: Thank you! Hehehe  
ARADIA: Alright, I'm going to cast "Acceleration" on AC, do I need to roll for that?  
VRISKA: No, it's generally assumed you can cast things as long as you have the right components.  
TEREZI: Some spells obviously take more time than others though!  
ARADIA: Which I do. The Handmaid blows into her hand and a field of crackling purple energy surrounds AC, beginning to make her move faster and faster.  
NEPETA: Ooh! What does that do?  
ARADIA: You'll get an extra action each turn until I decide to break the spell, or get hit, like I'm basically skipping my turn so you can take another one. The Handmaid's more built for support and crowd control than doing most of the damage herself.  
NEPETA: Yeah!!! Time to fight!  
VRISKA: Rolling saves for the baddies.

**Vriska has rolled a 13, a 6, a 10, and a 15!**

VRISKA: So sword guy's turned back around and he's fine, and the dude in the back is fine, but the two dagger dudes are still scared shitless of AC. Next turn!  
NEPETA: I'm just going to make two attacks against the closest enemy, is that okay with everyone?  
TEREZI: Totally.  
ARADIA: Of course!  
VRISKA: Roll it, sister!

**Nepeta has rolled a 20 and an 8!**

ARADIA: Poor guys.  
TEREZI: I'll say, Christ almighty.  
NEPETA: My roll bonuses should increase those to 25 and 13 if my sheet is right, right?  
VRISKA: Yeah, and they have an armor class of 15, so you miss one guy, and you crit on the other guy so he's uh... You  _definitely_ hit him, that's for absolute fucking sure. What's your damage roll again?  
NEPETA: Uh... 1d6 plus three, it says.  
VRISKA: Yeah, okay, so for a damage crit you roll twice the amount of dice, let's give 'em a flip!

**Nepeta has rolled a 5 and a 6!**

VRISKA: So that's...  
NEPETA: Eleven plus three is fourteen, right?  
VRISKA: Sounds right to me, that's gonna take this guy to, uh...

Terezi leans forward, her elbows rudely on the table. Their miniatures are placed gingerly in the center of a grid-lined map, a top-down view of a thick forest, everything arranged so neatly. Vriska even made some cardboard cut-out trees. How thoughtful.

VRISKA: He's knocked to zero.  
NEPETA: Does that kill him?  
VRISKA: No, it just means he's about to die. When you reach negative half of your max hit points, that's "you die", but zero HP is "you're fucked" but not "you're die".  
TEREZI: Wait, that's not right, I don't think monsters get to have death saving throws, do they?  
VRISKA: I mean, if I want them to they can but normally, no. So, not this guy.  
NEPETA: Yay! Cool, okay - ahem. AC moves quick like lightning, grabbing the head of one of the robed figures and dragging them down into the ground, causing something to violently crack in their back, while her claws snip at the other dagger-wielding creature, unfortunately failing to make contact!  
ARADIA: Nice.  
TEREZI: Wait, were they wearing robes? I don't remember.  
ARADIA: They were wearing cloaks, I think.  
NEPETA: Is there a diffurence between a cloak and a robe?  
TEREZI: Is there?  
ARADIA: One sec, I'll text Kanaya.  
VRISKA: Yeah, good shit. Alright, well, one of them is down for the count. The guy with the sword turns around and starts charging towards Terezi, while the one doing the chanting spits out an icicle towards AC and the other dagger-wielding one jumps to stab her.

**Vriska has rolled a 7 and a 10! Vriska has rolled a 17 and a 16! Vriska has rolled a 16 and an 18!**

NEPETA: Oof!  
TEREZI: Lucky monsteres!  
VRISKA: That is a... very implausible amount of high rolls, christ.  
ARADIA: Kanaya says that "A Cloak Is A Sleeveless, Long Garment Worn Over Your Clothes For Warmth And A Robe Is A Sleeved Garment With A Long Skirt".  
TEREZI: Wow, that was fast.  
ARADIA: She knows her stuff.  
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaanyway, gonna roll for damage now. Sorry Nepeta!  
NEPETA: Hehehe, it's fine! That's what it's all about, right?  
VRISKA: Now you're talkin'! Both things are rolling a 1d6 plus two

**Vriska has rolled a 3, and a 4!**

VRISKA: Ouch, that's, what, eleven damage?  
NEPETA: Yeah, but that's no purroblem! AC's a tough girl, like me! That takes me down to 27 HP.  
VRISKA: Allllllllright then! Terezi's turn?  
TEREZI: Since that sword guy missed I'm gonna go ahead and stab him now.

**Terezi has rolled a 17!**

TEREZI: Poor guy. That's a 1d8 plus three.

**Terezi has rolled a 2!**

TEREZI: Redglare's fine, thin blade clashes with the gnoll's shitty rusted sword. There is a battle of wills-  
NEPETA: Clash, ssshing! Pchoo!  
TEREZI: -before she snaps his blade in half, two flourishes gouging lines into his robe that bleed bright red after a second's delay!  
VRISKA: Actually, in this setting, gnolls have green blood.  
ARADIA: Wait, when did we confirm they were gnolls?  
NEPETA: What's a gnoll?  
ARADIA: They're pretty much anthropomorphic hyenas.  
NEPETA: Okay!  
TEREZI: Well, Vriska stumbled over it earlier so I was already pretty sure but then I talked about their blood because I knew she'd have to correct me if we were playing with the setting I thought we were playing with. Which we are.  
VRISKA: ...

Vriska furrows her brow. Damnit, she had fallen into another one of Terezi's little verbal traps, yet again. Curses upon her house.

ARADIA: Impressive.  
TEREZI: I need to make sure my law school training doesn't go to waste!  
VRISKA: Putting it to good use, I see.  
TEREZI: Anyway, then I kick him down onto the ground. Ha ha!  
ARADIA: Excellent. I'm gonna attempt to cast "Silence" on the spellcaster and clip him with the edge of the sphere so he can't keep casting.Same deal with concentration, so make sure they don't hit me!  
VRISKA: Roger roger!  
ARADIA: The Handmaid silently glowers at the spellcasting gnoll, making inscrutable hand motions until her target is surrounded by phantasmal chains that bind their muzzle shut, lashing out from the ground in a wide circle before dfading into invisibility, leaving only a small shimmer in the air as evidence of the zone without noise.  
TEREZI: I didn't know you were into that, Aradia!  
NEPETA: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
TEREZI: What?  
ARADIA: Hahaha, no comment!

Terezi's shark-like smile could bite through steel. Nepeta awkwardly messes with her hair and looks down at the game board, while Vriska stares at her computer, pretending to type.

ARADIA: Anyway, he won't be able to cast any spells with a verbal component until he leaves the area, which is probably all of them, so let's try to pen them into that zone and keep them there. Shall we move on?  
VRISKA: Yes.  
NEPETA: Yes, please!  
VRISKA: Rolling saves for the one dagger guy left.

**Vriska has rolled a 6!**

VRISKA: Nope! Alright, Nepeta's turn!  
NEPETA: I'm gonna make an attack against the gnoll that Terezi is fighting!  
VRISKA: Go for it.

**Nepeta has rolled a 13**

NEPETA: So that's a hit, right? It counts as an 18 from my proficiency and strength score.  
VRISKA: Yep, you're getting the hang of this fast!  
NEPETA: Yay! Alright, and now, damage!

**Nepeta has rolled a 6!**

VRISKA: Damnit, Nepeta! Stop murdering all my cool monster fights!  
NEPETA: Nefurrr! Hehehe!

This is nice. Terezi watches Vriska and Nepeta laugh with each other, a real, actual, honest laugh that fills the room, while Aradia is struck, too, with an almighty case of the mild giggles. This is what she was hoping was going to happen. Her big law school brain has yet to fail her even a single time! Everyone loves the joy of getting to kill a monster.

NEPETA: AC raises her mighty claw and rakes it across the gnoll's chest, ripping it open in an explosion of gore and viscera!  
ARADIA: 0_0  
TEREZI: >8o  
VRISKA: ::::o  
NEPETA: :33  
VRISKA: Uh... So the sword-wielding gnoll is going to get up from the ground and try to stab Redglare, while the spellcaster is getting up and trying to get the hell out of dodge.  
ARADIA: That's an Athletics check, right?  
VRISKA: Nah, he just gets to run. 30 feet, puts him out of the silence zone.

**Vriska has rolled a 7!**

VRISKA: Sword boy misses and the spellcaster is starting to run his ass away.  
TEREZI: I'm going to finish this tool off with a basic attack.

VRISKA: I'm not sure if you have the damage unless you-

**Terezi has rolled a 20!**

VRISKA: FUCK!

TEREZI: Alright, damage time! 2d8 plus three.  
NEPETA: Jeez, my claws do a lot of damage if they hit almost the same as a sword, huh?  
ARADIA: Claws, swords, what's the difference, really?

**Terezi has rolled an 8 and a 6!**

VRISKA: Fuck!!!!!!!!  
TEREZI: From Hell's heart I stab at thee! Redglare sheathes her sword for a moment, before flicking it outwards, lightning fast! It catches the gnoll by surprise, running right through their sternum.  
ARADIA: Metal! Alright, I'm gonna cast "Ray of Frost" to slow that guy down to a managable crawl.

**Aradia has rolled a 14!**

TEREZI: Welp.  
VRISKA: I guess that's that, huh? Hahahaha!  
ARADIA: The Handmaid speaks in a curling, mysterious language, before flicking her wrist towards the running gnoll, beaming a ray of frost in his direction, catching him mid-stride. As a result, my concentration on Silence breaks, but that's fine, haha. Can't affect him anyway. 1d8 plus three.

**Aradia has rolled a 2!**

VRISKA: That's a hit that, for once, does not kill one of my gnolls in two or less shots! It rolls back around to Nepeta's turn, but you guys can catch up to him at this point so I'll leave it up to you.  
NEPETA: Can we capture him?  
TEREZI: What for?  
NEPETA: Information, duh! I wanna know who sent them!  
ARADIA: That sounds reasonable to me. Vriska?  
VRISKA: Yeah, sure. Catching up to a ray-of-frosted gnoll running away isn't really hard so I won't make you roll for anything. 400 XP for everyone.  
NEPETA: Yay! That was pretty easy!  
TEREZI: Oh, don't worry. Vriska'll definitely turn up the heat later.  
VRISKA: Shhhhhhhh! No spoilers!  
TEREZI: What? How is that a spoiler?  
ARADIA: Yeah, that's just kind of how you DM, Vriska.  
VRISKA: Bluh!  
NEPETA: Now what? Is the fight over?  
ARADIA: Pretty much! I was thinking we surround him and question him about his motives and whatnot?  
NEPETA: And the others?  
TEREZI: We leave them to bleed out, of course!  
NEPETA: Yeah! AC pulls away from her corpse, flexing a bit and wiping blood off of her claws, before reverting to her humanoid form. She follows the other two to the spellcaster, making sure to cover where they aren't!  
ARADIA: The Handmaid's magical core slowly dims back to a normal activity level, and she trots over, her hooves patting against the roots and dirt, walking to surround the gnoll.  
TEREZI: Redglare pulls her sword out of the gnoll's chest, wiping it clean with a brownish-red cloth before returning it to the cane, and heads up to take the other angle around the gnoll. She's grinning like an idiot.

Terezi, too, is grinning like an idiot. She thinks she's going to be doing a lot of that tonight.

VRISKA: The gnoll's eyes flick around nervously, from Redglare to what little he can see of the Handmaid. If he could move or make a sound, he'd be gulping super loud, like a cartoon character almost. Now that they aren't in the thick of a fight, the trio can see his features, wiry and built for scavenging in a harsh environment, bloodshot eyes dyed lime green, muzzle no longer tied shut with phantom chains of arcane energy, fur sticking out from under his robe. Little layers of frost, condensation, and dew ride across the very tips of his fur.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid waves her hand and her spell dismisses itself from her target, causing him to trip mid-stride and fall hilariously towards the forest floor.  
TEREZI: Redglare points the tip of her cane towards the gnoll. "Talk." She orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Trivia: I am using an actual random number generator for these dice rolls.


	3. Chapter 3

VRISKA: The gnoll looks at the three of them with violence and spite in his eyes, but it's tempered by fear. He's definitely afraid of the business end of Redglare's sword, but he's not talking even with that order in mind. He's being quite reticent, in fact.  
TEREZI: Someone's been browsing her local thesaurus, hasn't she?  
VRISKA: Hush, you.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid is just gonna stare him down a little bit. We've got the gnoll surrounded on all sides, right?

Aradia gestures to the little miniatures on the cute forest grid, surrounding the gnoll figurine on all sides, forming an equilateral triangle to contain him.

VRISKA: I mean, he could always try to make a break for it...  
NEPETA: Should we tie him up or something? Do we have any rope?  
TEREZI: Nah, we don't need it. He won't be able to get very far. Can you Ray of Frost him again if necessary, Aradia?  
ARADIA: 'Course I can, it's a cantrip! I just can't Silence him in case anything goes funky. Well, I can, but only two more times.

Terezi looks at Aradia blankly, pulling down her glasses to do so, regardless of the fact that her vision immediately blurs into an indistinct smear.

TEREZI: You burnt a second level spell slot on a 2 CR encounter?  
ARADIA: Hehe, sorry! I'm still kind of new to this.  
NEPETA: Wait, you're new too, Aradia?  
ARADIA: Kinda! I played a lot with Tavros-

Vriska cringes in her seat slightly but nobody else seems to call attention to it.

ARADIA: -back in the day, and his friends. That might've been last edition? I'm not sure, and either way, I'm not very good at it! I like the storytelling more than I like the playing optimally.  
NEPETA: That's okay, I'm not very optimal either! Hehehe~  
TEREZI: So, who has the highest Charisma score? Aradia, Right?  
ARADIA: Yep! I have a plus three and proficiency with intimidation for another plus two.  
TEREZI: Think you can crack this guy?  
ARADIA: Let's find out!

**Aradia has rolled a 17! Vriska has rolled an 11!**

ARADIA: My money's on... Yes?

Aradia's tone was confident and amused, a little glint in her eye as she prepared to narrate and talk everyone's ear off.

VRISKA: Yeah, this Gnoll is probably gonna get intimidated as shit. You know my rules on roleplay though, right?  
ARADIA: Yeah, I remember. Anyway-  
NEPETA: Wait, there are rules about roleplay? I mean, like, this kind of roleplay?  
VRISKA: Uh, not quite. Basically-  
TEREZI: You can't just magically win social encounters if you roll higher than the other person at this table, that's laaaame!  
VRISKA: Yes, thank you for explaining, Terezi. You have to roleplay out your actions in social situations, rolling high isn't an instant "I won diplomacy button". I played with a lot of groups like that and it sucked! It's so boring!  
NEPETA: You played with other groups?  
VRISKA: Uh, yeah, you guys aren't my only group. And I don't DM for all of them.  
TEREZI: But you do play a pirate given the chance!  
VRISKA: Hush!  
TEREZI: I wonder how many pirates we'll be fighting this campaign? 10? 100?  
VRISKA: Quiet!!!!!!!!

Vriska is burning with blush, covering her face with her hands exasperatedly while Terezi gets her cackles and chuckles on. Aradia smiles pleasantly at Nepeta, who gives her a kind of quizzically, testing smile back. A silent way of asking if she's enjoying the opportunity, and Nepeta's acknowledgment back. Yes! This is very fun.

VRISKA: And if you roleplay really well,

She said, trying to cut off the previous conversation at the next, so it would never ever come back up.

Yeah right.

VRISKA: I'm allowed to give you "inspiration points", which you can use to reroll something if it goes tits-up. But only if you roleplay well!  
NEPETA: Duly noted!  
ARADIA: May I?  
VRISKA: Go ahead.  
ARADIA: Heh-hem. The Handmaid grabs the gnoll by the scruff of his neck, her stone fingers digging into his skin as she lifts him up off the ground and into the air. Pulling him around to face her, she sports a wicked grin with bright marble teeth, opening her mouth to speak, her voice a low rumble of smooth stone on smooth stone.

Nepeta leans forward, mildly entranced by Aradia's narration, a little smile on her face.

ARADIA: "If you tell us who sent you to kill us, I'll let you go alive. Does that sound like a fair deal, little man?"  
VRISKA: The gnoll looks at you nervously, eyes darting from side to side.

Vriska clears her throat a couple of times, and when she speaks, her voice has taken on a high, grating quality, strained through like she's fake yelling. Nepeta immediately spots the imitation game she's playing, the specific person she's summoning up with her tone of voice, but says nothing of it. Now's not the time for that kind of stuff, and she probably isn't even doing it consciously.

VRISKA: "Nobody sent us, I promise! We're just here to kill you and steal your stuff. That's it!"  
ARADIA: Do I need to roll to see if he's bullshitting us?  
VRISKA: Nah, he's bullshitting you.  
TEREZI: Vriska! That's lame. Don't tell us the answer, dummy!  
VRISKA: Well-  
ARADIA: The Handmaid tightens her grip on the Gnoll, leaning in closer, enough that one of her horns is poking at his face. "Are you sure you want to be lying to us? You know, I can tell if you're lying magically, while my two partners here can hear your heart rate fluctuating and smell your perspiration respectively." She says, eyes flicking towards her other two compatriots.  
NEPETA: Wait, can we actually do that?  
TEREZI: I don't think so? I mean we can fluff-wise, but not mechanically.  
NEPETA: Fluff meaning... Roleplay-wise?  
TEREZI: Yeah.  
VRISKA: The Gnoll gulps loudly once more. He's really sweating and shaking now!  
ARADIA: The Handmaid gets in close enough that their noses are touching. "Tell us." She whispers, almost mockingly.  
VRISKA: The Gnoll lets out a little squeak, like he just got stepped on.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid grins wide with her perfect pearly whites, and bumps her forehead against the Gnoll's.

The mood in the room is tense - despite all the pretense, everyone's been sucked into this little play of theirs, envisioning it in their mind's eye. The little Gnoll's shrill voice ringing through the air like the gonging of a bell, the three adventurers of various moral standing ready to pounce at a moment's notice.

VRISKA: The Gnoll starts to talk and pipe, his whine ringing through the forest's soft silence. "Fine, fine, fine! The Prince sent us to try and get you off of his trail. Happy?"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid drops the Gnoll back to the ground and stares at him.  
NEPETA: Are we satisfied with that? I figured that was pretty obvious.  
TEREZI: An astute observation, Nepeta! No, we are not satisfied.

Terezi's grin permeates the air - an extension of her character's form given flesh in the real world. A sharklike smile of someone enjoying their little fantasy play.

TEREZI: Redglare's sword is pressed against the Gnoll's flank, at a spot aimed to disable, rather than to kill. While she thinks it'd be well within her rights as retribution, this pipe would be better off as an info source. "Of course not. Any simpleton could've figured that out, you fuzzy-furred dumbass."  
ARADIA: Wait, is dumbass a thing they know how to say? I would've figured they have a more medieval way of saying things in this setting.  
TEREZI: I can't think of anything else that would fit besides simpleton, and I've already said that.  
ARADIA: So?  
TEREZI: Obviously, I can't use the same turn of phrase twice in a row. Plus, I was trying to think of one that started with "F" and my brain farted.  
NEPETA: How about fool?  
TEREZI: Oh, I love that! How did I not think of that, jeez?  
NEPETA: Yeah!  
TEREZI: "Any simpleton could've figured that out, you fuzzy-furred fool. So the Prince and Dualscar know where we are and that we're already chasing them?" She asks, pressing the flat of her blade ever-so-closer into his skin. A tease of a threat, imminent stabbing incoming. "How do they know?"  
NEPETA: Wait, do we have to stab him?  
ARADIA: I mean, we don't have to, but it's pretty expected.  
NEPETA: Why don't... we wait to hear what he has to say before we get to the stabbing?

Aradia and Terezi shrug and both turn to face Vriska, who is grinning behind her laptop as she puts on her awful impersonation.

VRISKA: "How would I know? They just told us you were coming through the forest and then told us to kill you!" The Gnoll cries out, trying his best not to whimper.

Nepeta looks at her character sheet, towards the top, and frowns a little bit.

NEPETA: Can I interrupt?  
VRISKA: Sure.  
TEREZI: Yeah, why not?  
NEPETA: Ahem, okay! I'm going to tap the Gnoll on the shoulder so that he faces me and then kneel down so we're closer to eye level. And then I'm going to give him a big re-assuring grin!

Aradia and Terezi share a dubious glance with each other, but don't say anything. They're curious as to where this is going.

NEPETA: AC clears her throat before asking away. "Why are you listening to them?" She asks, her voice chipper and clear! Her face bends into a frown. "Money?"

Vriska's grin widens and accelerates in smugness. Any worries about Nepeta's inexperience with tabletop games, the few that lingered, are banished from her mind. Nepeta wrote "Chaotic Good" on her character sheet, and by god, it looked to Vriska that she was going to roleplay it.

VRISKA: "No!... Not money."  
ARADIA: The Handmaid steps in-  
NEPETA: Wait, no! I think I got this. What's the Gnoll's disposition? I mean, besides frightened, pawbviously!  
VRISKA: Hmm... Glum. And definitely frightened. Morose, even?  
NEPETA: I'm gonna take a shot in the dark, then!

Vriska's hand moves over to her keyboard and she types away. Hopefully, Nepeta is going exactly where Vriska thinks she's going, because she wouldn't want to have to thump the backspace key that many times. Not that she wasn't opposed, naturally, to a bit of good ol' murderhoboing, but she would never pass up the opportunity to insert a new plot hook into a game, especially when it's about to be hand-delivered to her on a golden platter. Vriska had always been the kind of 'play-by-the-edge-of-her-pants' sort of DM, making things up as she goes along based on what would be the most fun, or enjoyable, or even the most shocking. Plot twists conjured from the aether specifically to knock people off course. Subversion of established genre tropes, and then subversions of her subversions, since Terezi could get used to her tricks real fast and she needed to keep her girlfriend on edge too.

NEPETA: AC looks the Gnoll in the eye sympathetically. "Do they have something on you? Your..." Uh, one sec, what kind of familial structure do Gnolls organize in?  
TEREZI: Tribes, usually.  
NEPETA: "Do they have something on you? Your tribe? Your family?" AC asks, sort of reading him for a reaction. Do I need to roll anything?  
VRISKA: Nope! He reacts real fast. He nods quickly before replying. "The Prince's pet... demands sacrifice."

This gets a quirked eyebrow from Aradia and an in-leaning from Terezi. A new antagonist to direct their aim at, in the short term. A pet? Terezi's smile is thin and narrow, as Vriska shoots her a knowing look.

NEPETA: "Is... Is the pet smart enough to demand sacrifice? Are they doing the demanding themselves?" AC asks.

Vriska silently cheers, trying to keep her expression neutral. Even Nepeta has picked up on her infectious happiness, and she doesn't want to give away her plan too strongly, even though nobody ever thought Vriska Serket has ever had a good poker face, ever. She at least is willing to give it a good college try.

VRISKA: The Gnoll looks down at the ground and nods.  
TEREZI: Calling it, it's a dragon.  
ARADIA: Are you sure about that? It could just be a person that's being referred to euphemistically.  
TEREZI: No, it's definitely a dragon.  
NEPETA: Are dragons smart enough to be demanding sacrifice?  
TEREZI: In this setting and the core modules, yeah, they are.  
ARADIA: What if it's a dracolich?  
TEREZI: As a starter villain for a three-person campaign? Nah. Not likely.  
VRISKA: And what makes you so confident that I wouldn't throw a dracolich at you this early?  
NEPETA: A what?  
ARADIA: Do you know what a lich is, Nepeta?  
NEPETA: Um... Something that a dragon can be, I'm guessing?  
ARADIA: Basically, it's a kind of undead wizard that puts his soul into an object called a "phylactery". Liches are immortal as long as their phylactery remains undestroyed, and they don't have to have it on their person, so it can be locked away forever. Dragons are smart enough to become wizards, and thus, liches, so the term for a draconic lich is called a "dracolich".  
NEPETA: Sort of like Voldemort?  
ARADIA: Hahaha, yes! Exactly like Voldemort! Most liches don't get the opportunity to split their soul up in the way Voldemort does, but that's a pretty good grasp on the idea. As long as the phylactery is intact, the lich can't be permanently killed!  
NEPETA: And why wouldn't Vriska throw one of those at us this early?  
TEREZI: I'm glad you asked! Dracoliches are challenge rating 17, and we're a party of three level four adventurers. Even with two or three level ups on our belt from assorted fights that'd be way above our pay grade! We'd get trashed!  
ARADIA: Stomped, even.  
NEPETA: I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions but, um, challenge rating? Do you mind explaining that one, too?  
TEREZI: Not at all. Basically, the challenge rating is the level that a full party of four adventurers should be at to take on that particular encounter.  
NEPETA: So a party of four level seventeen adventurers would have a fair fight versus a dracolich?  
TEREZI: More or less! And since we only have three of us, our number is cut by 25%, so we'd honestly probably need to be level 19 or 20 for a dracolich fight.  
VRISKA: Assuming I don't just take the template and scale it down.  
TEREZI: Yeah, but you've never done that before.  
VRISKA: Don't count it out just yet! There's a first time for everything, Terezi!  
TEREZI: I'll believe it when I see its bleached, frosty bones. Anyway, like I said, I think it's a dragon, but who cares, haha.

Nepeta clears her throat, and by extension, the air, giving a little smile to the gnoll miniature as if it's going to smile back at her.

NEPETA: AC gives him a resolute, steely look. "So, if you follow the Prince's orders, the Prince's pet won't eat your tribe, is that what you're saying?"  
VRISKA: The Gnoll gives a desperate, vigorous nod.  
NEPETA: "So, what if we could kill his pet for you? Free the rest of your tribe and everything!"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid rolls her eyes at the sentimental gesture.  
NEPETA: What? It's what my character would do!  
ARADIA: Oh, I know! It'd be a great idea, the Handmaid just isn't very friendly, haha.  
NEPETA: Oh, haha, right!  
VRISKA: The Gnoll gives a weak, shaky smile towards AC. "You'd do that for us... even though we're trying to kill you?"  
TEREZI: Redglare sighs and sheathes her sword. Do you think we could try to wrangle pay out of them afterwards?  
NEPETA: No!!! Don't be silly, Terezi! I wanna do this because it's the right thing to do.  
TEREZI: Oh, no, it's definitely the right thing to do! One hundred percent agreement there. Just curious.  
VRISKA: I'm sure that at some point on your quest, should you choose to head in that direction, there will be treasure. Probably.  
TEREZI: Good enough for me.  
NEPETA: "Of course!" AC replies, grinning, as she stands back up to her full height, stretching her back and twisting it enough to pop a couple of vertebrae.  
VRISKA: "But why?" The Gnoll asks, looking up at the much taller werecat.  
NEPETA: "Because it's the right thing to do! Right, girls?" AC replies, looking towards her two companions.  
TEREZI: Redglare looks inscrutable behind her goggles, hiding enough of her face that discerning her intent is almost impossible, in this specific moment. "I'll do it because it's the just thing to do, not that it's right. A monster intelligent enough to lord over a tribe of gnolls is one that will doubtlessly impugn society as a whole if left untreated. It must be excised, like a malignant growth." She explains. She's Lawful Neutral, goodness of things doesn't really matter to her that much.  
NEPETA: Are you sure? That sounded really Lawful Good to me.  
VRISKA: I'm with Nepeta here, that was a super Lawful Good speech.  
TEREZI: Redglare is kind of a ruthless lady! If a "good guy" had a bounty put on their head she'd probably kill them too. It just so happens that this pet is already a natural point along the way to filling out her bounty.  
VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight.  
TEREZI: Anyway, Redglare turns to the Handmaid as she sets her cane into its... Holster? The holding thingy on her back.  
NEPETA: AC also turns to face the Handmaid, looking at her expectantly!

Aradia grins a little bit unnervingly, tapping her character sheet a couple of times.

ARADIA: "I'll help, but because it helps me in the long run. Don't expect much more than that." The Handmaid says, coldly.

Aradia flips her character sheet around, pointing to the filled-in spot that says "Neutral Evil" in nice, fancy cursive. Nepeta clasps her hands to her cheeks, shocked, while Terezi does the same a moment afterwards, clearly faux-shocked by this stunning revelation.

NEPETA: Wait, doesn't this mean that the Handmaid is a villain?  
ARADIA: Not necessarily! She's Neutral Evil because she's entirely self-serving and very pragmatic. Her goal is ultimately to find the lady she's modeled on, but she doesn't mind if she has to do some bad things along the way to do so.  
TEREZI: Wizards! No sense of right and wrong.  
ARADIA: A sorcerer, but, yeah, more or less!  
NEPETA: So, why does she want to find out who she was based on, anyway?  
ARADIA: Wouldn't you rather find out in-character? There's no need to metagame at the table, Nep!

Before Nepeta can muster a retort, Aradia sticks her tongue out playfully and pipes up to clarify.

ARADIA: Kidding! Here, let me explain: It's the same reason that AC wants to find her memory! She's searching for her past, she's just kind of mean about it. Imagine if you went home and saw all these pictures of you but nobody recognizes or remembers you? That's what it was like in her tower when she woke up. She just wants to know.  
NEPETA: Hmm... I think I understand that! Alright, so what are we doing with the Gnoll? Should we just let him go?  
TEREZI: I don't think we really have a reason to kill him if he's not trying to kill us back.  
ARADIA: I'm in agreement. No reason to kill him when we could let him go and possibly have a grateful ally in the future.  
TEREZI: Even if it's one that's CR 1/2.

Terezi rolls her eyes dramatically towards Vriska before chuckling.

VRISKA: I-  
TEREZI: I'm  _kidding_ , gotta play it safe for the newbie. No worries.

Vriska tousles her own hair a little bit.

NEPETA: Onward!  
TEREZI: Wait, how did we understand the Gnoll? Don't they speak a different language?  
VRISKA: FUCK!  
ARADIA: Wait! I have "Understand Language" - do you mind if we retroactively burn a spell slot to say I cast it? Just this once?

Vriska sighs quietly.

VRISKA: Fine, consider this your one mulligan.  
ARADIA: Cool beans! As Nepeta said - Onward!


	4. Chapter 4

Name: AC (Real name Meulin de Leon)  
Level: 4  
Class Levels: 4/Ranger  
Race: Human  
Subrace: Werecat  
XP: 3100

Alignment: Chaotic Good  
Religion: N/A (she doesn't know enough!)  
Languages: Common, Elvish  
Background: Solider (she doesn't remember, though!)

Size: Medium  
Gender: Female  
Age: 30s  
Height: 5'6"  
Weight: 200ish pounds  
Eyes: Brown  
Hair: Brown  
Walking Speed: 30 feet

  
STR: 17 (+3)  
\--Athletics  
DEX: 17 (+3)  
\--Acrobatics  
\--Sleight of Hand  
\--Stealth  
CON: 11 (+0)  
\--N/A  
INT: 9 (-1)  
\--Arcana  
\--History  
\--Investigation  
\--Nature  
\--Religion  
WIS: 13 (+1)  
\--Animal Handling  
\--Insight  
\--Medicine  
\--Perception  
\--Survival  
CHA: 12 (+1)  
\--Deception  
\--Intimidation  
\--Performance  
\--Persuasion  
SKILL PROFICIENCY: Athletics, Intimidation, Animal Handling, Perception, Survival  
ITEM PROFICIENCY: Light Armor, Medium Armor, Shields, Simple Weapons, Martial Weapons, Dice Sets  
SAVING THROW PROFICIENCY: Strength, Dexterity  
PROFICIENCY MOD: +2

Max HP:  (3d10 (10x3)) + (1d8 (8x1)) + 0 = 38  
Current HP: 27

Initiative: +3  
Armor Class: (+3) + (11) + (1) = 15  
Spell Save: 8 + 2 + 1 = 11

Weapon: Leonine Claws  
Stat Used: STR  
Range: Melee  
ATK Bonus: 2 + 3 = 5  
Damage: 1d6+3 Slashing

Armor:   
Leather Armor (Light Armor, AC = 11 plus DEX, 10 lbs)

Items:  
1 Explorer's Pack (Backpack, bedroll, mess kit, tinderbox, ten torches, 10 days of rations, waterskin, 50 ft of rope, 59 lbs total)  
1 Healer's Kit (3 lb)  
1 Dice Set (0 lb)  
1 Ranking Insignia (0 lb) (She doesn't know what it means, though!)

Spell Slots: (WIS Modifier for Spellcasting)  
3 1st level

Spells/Abilities/Feats/Features

Shapeshift [Werecat]  
As a bonus action, you may freely shapeshift in and out of your werecat form.

Terrifying Roar [Werecat]  
Pick any number of enemies within a 30 feet radius. They must succeed a Wisdom saving throw against AC's spell save or be Frightened for the next ten minutes. They can repeat the saving throw every round to attempt to end the effect. You can use this ability up to three times, and regain any expended uses when you finish a Long Rest.

Animal Friendship (1st Level Spell) [Ranger]  
Choose a beast within range with an intelligence score of 3 or lower. They must succeed a Wisdom saving throw or be charmed for up to 24 hours. This effect ends if the beast takes damage from you or one of your companions.

Detect Magic (1st Level Spell) [Ranger]  
For the duration, you sense the presence of magic within 30 feet of you. If you sense magic in this way, you can use your action to see a faint aura around any visible creature or object in the area that bears magic, and you learn its school of magic, if any. The spell can penetrate most barriers, but it is blocked by 1 foot of stone, 1 inch of common metal, a thin sheet of lead, or 3 feet of wood or dirt.

Cure Wounds (1st Level Spell) [Ranger]  
A creature you touch regains a number of hit points equal to 1d8 + your spellcasting ability modifier. This spell has no effect on undead or constructs.

Favored Enemy {Beasts} [Ranger]  
You have advantage on Wisdom (Survival) checks to track your favored enemies, as well as on Intelligence checks to recall information about them.

Natural Explorer {Forest} [Ranger]  
When you make an Intelligence or Wisdom check related to your favored terrain, your proficiency bonus is doubled if you are using a skill that you're proficient in.

While traveling for an hour or more in your favored terrain, you gain the following benefits:

  * Difficult terrain doesn't slow your group's travel.
  * Your group can't become lost except by magical means.
  * Even when you are engaged in another activity while traveling (such as foraging, navigating, or tracking), you remain alert to danger.
  * If you are traveling alone, you can move stealthily at a normal pace.
  * When you forage, you find twice as much food as you normally would.
  * While tracking other creatures, you also learn their exact number, their sizes, and how long ago they passed through the area.



You choose additional favored terrain types at 6th and 10th level.

Fighting Style {Defense} [Ranger]  
While wearing armor, you gain a +1 bonus to AC.

Hunter: Giant Slayer [Ranger Archetype]  
When a Large or larger creature within 5 feet of you hits or misses you with an attack, you can use your reaction to attack that creature immediately after its attack, provided that you can see the creature.

Bloodscent [Werecat]  
Survival checks gain a permanent +1 bonus when used to track a wounded target.

Werecat Form [Werecat]  
While in Werecat form, DEX rolls gain a +1 bonus but CHA rolls take a -1 penalty.  
While in Werecat form, movement speed increases by 5 feet.  
Silver weapons, magic weapons, and radiant damage gain advantage when targeting you, and deal +1 damage if they hit you while you are in werecat form.

Darkvision [Werecat]  
Like real cats, you have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.

Military Rank [Soldier Background]  
You have a military rank from your career as a soldier. Soldiers loyal to your former military organization still recognize your authority and influence, and they defer to you if they are of a lower rank. You can invoke your rank to exert influence over other soldiers and requisition simple equipment or horses for temporary use. You can also usually gain access to friendly military encampments and fortresses where your rank is recognized. 

Biography: Born in a small, nameless town in the mountains, AC doesn't remember much of her history outside of broad strokes, nor does she know how exactly she gained the curse of the Werecat. The small handful of specialists she's been to detect the touch of the divine on her, but also the touch of the druidic, and one particularly ornery priest even said she had two competing claims to her soul!

As far as she can remember since waking up in the city of Skyshroud, she's been doing little but taking on odd jobs and the occasional bounty. Most of the time, it is finding and retrieving lost objects, a specialty of hers, but she has made a small and relatively comfortable living for herself hunting down wild game for local butchers. She is well loved by her community but yearns to discover more of her mysterious past! Sometimes, she sees what she thinks are visions of her history in her dreams, but the images of dark, cloudy, violet cities elude her in the waking world.

She has a strong sense of justice but a rebellious streak, perfectly willing to cut down and through laws she sees as unjust. She appreciates coin when she can come upon it, but prefers to be paid in supplies like food or a good story, or, ideally, hints towards her past.

 

Notes to self!  
Carrying capacity is strength times fifteen, so 255 pounds! I can easily push and move stuff up to twice my carrying capacity, so 510 pounds.  
Advantage: I roll twice and take the higher one  
Disadvantage: I roll twice and take the lower one


	5. Chapter 5

Name: No name, goes by the title of "The Handmaid"  
Level: 4  
Class Levels: 4/Sorceress  
Race: Golem  
Subrace: N/A  
XP: 3100

Alignment: Neutral Evil  
Religion: N/A  
Languages: Common, Dwarvish, Elvish, Goblin  
Background: Sage

Size: Medium  
Gender: Female  
Age: Irrelevant (77 years)  
Height: 7'7"  
Weight: 777 Pounds  
Eyes: Marble white  
Hair: Marble white

Movement Speed: 25 feet

  
STR: 9 (+0)  
\--Athletics  
DEX: 10 (+0)  
\--Acrobatics  
\--Sleight of Hand  
\--Stealth  
CON: 11 (+1)  
\--N/A  
INT: 16 (+3)  
\--Arcana  
\--History  
\--Investigation  
\--Nature  
\--Religion  
WIS: 8 (-1)  
\--Animal Handling  
\--Insight  
\--Medicine  
\--Perception  
\--Survival  
CHA: 16 (+3)  
\--Deception  
\--Intimidation  
\--Performance  
\--Persuasion  
SKILL PROFICIENCY: Intimidation, Arcana, History, Deception  
ITEM PROFICIENCY: Daggers, Darts, Slings, Quarterstaffs, Light Crossbows  
SAVING THROW PROFICIENCY: Constitution, Charisma  
PROFICIENCY MOD: +2

Max HP:  (4d6 (4x6)) + (4x1) = 28  
Current HP: 16

Initiative: 0  
Armor Class: 10 + 0 = 10  
Spell Save: 8 + 2 + 3 = 13

Weapon: Dagger (x2)  
Stat Used: STR or Dex  
Range: Melee (can be thrown)  
ATK Bonus: 2 + 1 = 3  
Damage: 1d4+1 Piercing

Armor: Fine Clothes (6 pounds, a somewhat fancy robe)

Items:  
One Explorer's Pack (Backpack, bedroll, mess kit, tinderbox, ten torches, 10 days worth of rations, a waterskin, 50 feet of rope, 59 pounds)  
One Component Pouch (2 pounds)  
One Drawing of Damara (0 pounds)  
One Set of Manacles and Key (6 pounds)

Spell Slots: (CHA Modifier for Spellcasting)  
5 Cantrips (Sorceress)  
4 1st level (Sorceress)  
3 2nd level (Sorceress)  
5 Non-Cantrip Spells Known  
5 Sorcery Points

Spells/Abilities/Feats/Features

Time Flux (Cantrip) [Sorcerer]  
Touch a willing creature to fill them with temporal magic, giving them an extra attack when they make their attack action until the spell ends or you lose concentration. You gain disadvantage on all saving throws made during this time.

Ray of Frost (Cantrip) [Sorcerer]  
A frigid beam of blue-white light streaks toward a creature within 60 feet. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, it takes 1d8 cold damage, and its speed is reduced by 10 feet until the start of your next turn.

Mage Hand (Cantrip) [Sorcerer]  
A spectral, floating hand appears at a point you choose within 30 feet. The hand lasts for the duration or until you dismiss it as an action. The hand vanishes if it is ever more than 30 feet away from you or if you cast this spell again.  
You can use your action to control the hand. You can use the hand to manipulate an object, open an unlocked door or container, stow or retrieve an item from an open container, or pour the contents out of a vial. You can move the hand up to 30 feet each time you use it.  
The hand can't attack, activate magic items, or carry more than 10 pounds.

Presdidigitation [Sorcerer]  
This spell is a minor magical trick that novice spellcasters use for practice. You create one of the following magical effects within range:

  * You create an instantaneous, harmless sensory effect, such as a shower of sparks, a puff of wind, faint musical notes, or an odd odor. 
  * You instantaneously light or snuff out a candle, a torch, or a small campfire. 
  * You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot. 
  * You chill, warm, or flavor up to 1 cubic foot of nonliving material for 1 hour. 
  * You make a color, a small mark, or a symbol appear on an object or a surface for 1 hour. 
  * You create a nonmagical trinket or an illusory image that can fit in your hand and that lasts until the end of your next turn.



If you cast this spell multiple times, you can have up to three of its non-instantaneous effects active at a time, and you can dismiss such an effect as an action.

Mending (Cantrip) [Sorcerer]  
This spell repairs a single break or tear in an object you touch, such as broken chain link, two halves of a broken key, a torn cloak, or a leaking wineskin. As long as the break or tear is no larger than 1 foot in any dimension, you mend it, leaving no trace of the former damage. This spell can physically repair a magic item or construct, but the spell can't restore magic to such an object.

Understand Languages (1st Level Spell) [Sorcerer]  
For the duration, you understand the literal meaning of any spoken language that you hear. You also understand any written language that you see, but you must be touching the surface on which the words are written. It takes about 1 minute to read one page of text. This spell doesn't decode secret messages in a text or a glyph, such as an arcane sigil, that isn't part of a written language.

Feather Fall (1st Level Spell) [Sorcerer]  
Choose up to five falling creatures within 60 feet on a Reaction. A falling creature's rate of descent slows to 60 feet per round until the spell ends. If the creature lands before the spell ends, it takes no falling damage and can land on its feet, and the spell ends for that creature.

Magic Missile (1st Level Spell) [Sorcerer]  
You create three glowing darts of magical force. Each dart hits a creature of your choice that you can see within range. A dart deals 1d4 + 1 force damage to its target. The darts all strike simultaneously, and you can direct them to hit one creature or several. 

Sleep (2nd Level Spell) [Sorcerer]  
Roll 5d8; the total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect. Creatures within 20 feet of a point you choose within range are affected in ascending order of their current hit points (ignoring unconscious creatures). Starting with the creature that has the lowest current hit points, each creature affected by this spell falls unconscious until the spell ends, the sleeper takes damage, or someone uses an action to shake or slap the sleeper awake. Subtract each creature's hit points from the total before moving on to the creature with the next lowest hit points. A creature's hit points must be equal to or less than the remaining total for that creature to be affected.

-

Identify (1st Level Spell) [Sorcerous Origin]  
You choose one object that you must touch throughout the casting of the spell. If it is a magic item or some other magic-imbued object, you learn its properties and how to use them, whether it requires attunement to use, and how many charges it has, if any. You learn whether any spells are affecting the item and what they are. If the item was created by a spell, you learn which spell created it.

Shield (1st Level Spell) [Sorcerous Origin]  
An invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects you. Until the start of your next turn, you have a +5 bonus to AC, including against the triggering attack, and you take no damage from magic missile. 

Silence (2nd Level Spell) [Sorcerous Origin]  
For the duration, no sound can be created within or pass through a 20-foot-radius sphere centered on a point you choose within range. Any creature or object entirely inside the sphere is immune to thunder damage, and creatures are deafened while entirely inside it. Casting a spell that includes a verbal component is impossible there.

 -

Sorcery Points [Sorcerer]  
You have 2 sorcery points, and you gain one additional point every time you level up, to a maximum of 20 at level 20. You can never have more sorcery points than shown on the table for your level. You regain all spent sorcery points when you finish a long rest. You can use your sorcery points to gain additional spell slots, or sacrifice spell slots to gain additional sorcery points. You learn other ways to use your sorcery points as you reach higher levels.

Metamagic: Distant Spell [Sorcerer]  
When you cast a spell that has a range of 5 feet or greater, you can spend 1 sorcery point to double the range of the spell. When you cast a spell that has a range of touch, you can spend 1 sorcery point to make the range of the spell 30 feet.

Metamagic: Subtle Spell [Sorcerer]  
When you cast a spell, you can spend 1 sorcery point to cast it without any somatic or verbal components.

Sorcerous Origin: Arcane Core [Sorcererous Origin]  
You are born with a powerful arcane core that counts as your Spell Focus and cannot be unequipped. You add to your spell list one 2nd level spell, from any class, of your choice at level 3, as well as the following spells at the appropriate levels:

  * 1st: Identify
  * 3rd: Shield
  * 5th: Remove Curse, Dispel Magic
  * 7th: Stoneskin, Counterspell
  * 9th: Animate Objects, Arcane Eye



Sorcerous Origin: Wellspring of Magic [Sorcererous Origin]  
Your arcane core provides you with a constant flow of mana above and beyond that of your organic ken. You gain an additional Sorcery Point at level 3, 6, 10, 14, and 20.

-

Stone Stomach [Golem]  
You have advantage on saving throws against being poisoned, and you have resistance against poison damage.

Immutable Form [Golem]  
You are immune to any spell or effect that would alter organic forms.

Powerful Build [Golem]  
You count as one size larger for the sake of grappling, when determining your carrying capacity, and the weight you can push, drag, or lift.

Defensive Reach [Golem]  
Your arms can interact and Attack a full 10 feet away (Reach weapon property)

Breathless [Golem]  
You have no need for air and will not take damage from holding your breath too long.

Stoneskin [Golem]  
You can gain temporary hit points from spells or effects that alter stone such as Stone Shape or Mending. However, traditional methods of healing such as Cure Wounds or Potion of Healing are only half as effective on you.

Researcher [Sage Background]  
When you attempt to learn or recall a piece of lore, if you do not know that information, you often know where and from whom you can obtain it. Usually, this information comes from a library, scriptorium, university, or a sage or other learned person or creature, Your DM might rule that the knowledge you seek is secreted away in an almost inaccessible place, or that it simply cannot be found. Unearthing the deepest secrets of the multiverse can require an adventure or even a whole campaign.

Biography: She awoke to the sound of settling dust on her limp form, a heart of iron and flux beating out of her chest wildly. The tower she was born within was covered with information, none of it useful, but enough that a year of solitary study provided her the basics of which she could unlock the thrumming, arcane energy contained within her core and harness it to enforce her will upon the world at large. The Handmaid, as she titled herself, had only a name and a face to go off of, although it was a very pretty and beautiful face, with plenty of schematics and blueprints and detailed notes on its various curves and dimples. Her creator was long gone, perhaps the skeleton in the basement, but out of the picture. His obsession became her obsession, and although she had a name to go off of, hunting for the Damara in his paintings would be a difficult task indeed.

The Handmaid spent quite some time walking the earth, practicing her skills with magic in a search for her past. She's wandered across the entire continent, from west to east, traveling through the most sacred of mountains in her endless hunt for her past. She's been searching for about twenty years when her travels have led her to the town where she hears about the bounty on the head of the Prince of Rage and Dualscar. For once, somehow, this jogs some kind of ancient memory, something she's read in her books from so long ago, although it seems like barely a day has passed for the conniving golemess. The years slip by like wine down a lord's gullet, but the more she talks to people, the more she hears about the Prince's vaunted magical abilities, his developing reputation.

She thinks to herself that perhaps this Prince has the answers she's looking for. After all, years of travels have taught her that, above all, she is strange. The unliving should not be as mobile and thoughtful as she is, nor should they be able to perform any sort of wizardry or sorcery, and yet, the thrumming purple orb embedded in her chest keeps her all of those things - sharp, intelligent, and magical. Villages and towns lack the experienced personnel required to help the Handmaid in her quest for identity, but perhaps someone of the Prince's supposed stature would be willing to assist in her search.


	6. Chapter 6

Name: Latula Redglare (AKA Neophyte Redglare)  
Level: 4  
Class Levels: 4th Level Fighter  
Race: Wood Elf  
XP: 3100

Alignment: Lawful Neutral  
Religion: Follower of the Signless God  
Languages: Common, Elvish

Background: Folk Hero

Size: Medium  
Gender: Female  
Age: 413  
Height: 6'2"  
Weight: 210 Pounds  
Eyes: Amber  
Hair: White  
Walking Speed: 35 feet

  
STR: 16 (+3)  
\--Athletics  
DEX: 14 (+2)  
\--Acrobatics  
\--Sleight of Hand  
\--Stealth  
CON: 13 (+1)  
\--N/A  
INT: 10 (0)  
\--Arcana  
\--History  
\--Investigation  
\--Nature  
\--Religion  
WIS: 13 (+1)  
\--Animal Handling  
\--Insight  
\--Medicine  
\--Perception  
\--Survival  
CHA: 10 (+0)  
\--Deception  
\--Intimidation  
\--Performance  
\--Persuasion  
SKILL PROFICIENCY: Animal Handling, Survival, Insight, Perception, Acrobatics  
ITEM PROFICIENCY: Light Armor, Medium Armor, Heavy Armor, Shields, Simple Weapons, Martial Weapons, Smith's Tools  
SAVING THROW PROFICIENCY: Strength, Constitution  
PROFICIENCY MOD: +2

Max HP:  (4d10 (10x4)) + 4x1 = 44  
Current HP: 28

Initiative: +2  
Armor Class: 13 + 2 = 15

Weapon: Cane Sword (Longsword)  
Stat Used: STR  
Range: Melee  
ATK Bonus: 2 + 3 = 5  
Damage: 1d8+3 Slashing (1d10 when 2h)

Armor:   
Chain Shirt (Medium Armor, AC = 13 plus DEX (max of +2), 20 lbs)

Items:  
1 Dungeoneer's Pack (Backpack, crowbar, hammer, 10 pitons and 10 torches, tinderbox, 10 days of rations, a waterskin, 50 feet of hempen rope, 61.5 lbs)  
1 Smith's Tools (8 lbs)  
1 Shovel (5 lbs)  
1 Iron Pot (10 lbs)

Spells/Abilities/Feats/Features

Second Wind [Fighter]  
You have a limited well of stamina that you can draw on to protect yourself from harm. On your turn, you can use a bonus action to regain hit points equal to 1d10 + your fighter level. Once you use this feature, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again.  


Action Surge [Fighter]  
Starting at 2nd level, you can push yourself beyond your normal limits for a moment. On your turn, you can take one additional action on top of your regular action and a possible bonus action. Once you use this feature, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again. Starting at 17th level, you can use it twice before a rest, but only once on the same turn.

Iajutsu Practitioner: Masterstroke [Martial Archetype]  
As an action, make a weapon attack with advantage against a target within your reach, and move behind them. On a hit, it deals damage as normal, plus 2d10, or half as much on a miss. You can do this three times. You regain any expended uses when you finish a long rest. This attack's bonus damage increases by 1d10 at 3rd level (3d10), and again at 5th (4d10), 7th (5d10), 9th (6d10), 11th (7d10), 13th (8d10), 15th (9d10), and 17th levels (10d10).

Great Weapon Fighting [Fighter]  
When you roll a 1 or 2 on a damage die for an attack you make with a melee weapon that you are wielding with two hands, you can reroll the die and must use the new roll, even if the new roll is a 1 or a 2. The weapon must have the two-handed or versatile property for you to gain this benefit. 

Iajutsu Practitioner: Bonus Proficiency [Martial Archetype]  
When you choose this archetype at 3rd level, you gain proficiency in one of the following skills of your choice: ~~History, Insight, Performance,~~ or Persuasion (I picked this one! >8D). ~~Alternatively, you learn one language of your choice.~~

Darkvision [Elf]  
Accustomed to twilit forests and the night sky, you have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can't discern color in darkness, only shades of gray. 

Keen Senses [Elf]  
You have proficiency in the Perception skill.

Fey Ancestry [Elf]  
You have advantage on saving throws against being charmed, and magic can't put you to sleep.

Meditate [Elf]  
Elves don't need to sleep. Instead, they meditate deeply, remaining semiconscious, for 4 hours a day. (The Common word for such meditation is "trance.") While meditating, you can dream after a fashion; such dreams are actually mental exercises that have become reflexive through years of practice. After resting in this way, you gain the same benefit that a human does from 8 hours of sleep.

Mask of the Wild [Elf]  
You can attempt to hide even when you are only lightly obscured by foliage, heavy rain, falling snow, mist, and other natural phenomena.

Folk Hero: Rustic Hospitality [Background]  
Since you come from the ranks of the common folk, you fit in among them with ease. You can find a place to hide, rest, or recuperate among other commoners, unless you have shown yourself to be a danger to them. They will shield you from the law or anyone else searching for you, though they will not risk their lives for you.

Biography: Latula has lived in this world a very long time, to the point where she herself barely remembers much of her childhood. She knows enough, of course, in broad strokes, having kept it written down in an old, ratty journal that she takes with her everywhere - her most prized possession. She's on her third volume, in fact, and keeps the other two at her home on the outskirts of a city near the Forest of the Lost. If you looked into her volumes, this would be a loose summary of the contents, in rough chronological order:

Latula was born in a small mountain town, that which will remain nameless so that Vriska can make it whatever small mountain town she wants later when she inevitably burns it down for cheap drama points >8P. She never knew her mother or father, both of which were presumably pureblooded elves from the local tribes in the woods that no man dare to tread, for fear of receiving an arrow through their head. She never did get the opportunity to find out, either, as shortly before her arrival in the town, the entirety of the forest was scorched from top to bottom by an unknown arsonist, or perhaps a fit of nature's pique, but the young Latula was never convinced it was an accident. She was taken in by the town smith, her limber frame put to work as a smithing assistant, a job she was particularly awful at, growing to hate the fire and the forge. However, as the one man to keep care of her, she grew to love her father nonetheless, and all the inhabitants of that quaint, rural town.

Nothing good lasts forever, of course, and Latula knew that - when she was pushing thirty, her father developed degenerative blindness, hampering his effectiveness as the town armorer. While she only grew taller, fairer, and more rough and tumble, the children she once played with became scruffy adults with lives of their own. A few of them moved away, her father's hair grayed and grayed, and on her forty-first birthday, he died, leaving her in charge of the smithy. She began training her replacements immediately, all the while beginning to take her newfound freedom from duty to investigate the forest, which had begun blooming again but was still a charred husk of its former self. She never managed to find evidence of her parents, besides all the bones and skeletons of long-limbed tree-huggers. She handed off the smithy to the son of one of her very first loves, and began to roam the world in search of greater purpose.

During her travels, she gathered ideas and knowledge from all corners of the Eastern Continent, developing a worldview quite unlike that of her woodland kin. Instead of a wild, free spirit, she became restrained, taciturn, and closed off. Raised by humans, her world view was fundamentally at odds with those of her kind. Attempting to live in an Elvish commune only lead her to be driven out from faux pas after faux pas, mistake after mistake. Elves are naturally slow to change, as befitting those with such long lives, so she became an outcast from her own kind, hardening her heart after an attempt to reconnect with her heritage. She took solace in the church of the Signless God, the God who looks after rebels and tradition-breakers, finding power in her faith for a time, but even that waned away. 

She learned how to fight and duel, and became skilled with the sword and the crossbow. She met a wandering mage-errant named Mituna, and became his apprentice for a short spell of a decade, all the way across her first century of life. They wed, and together they became a frightfully effective pair of problem solvers, with Mituna's spells and her sword tasting the blood of many a villain and bandit. Unfortunately, it was not to be, as a cursed artifact drove Mituna to madness, forcing Latula to take his life in order to keep her own. Once more, her heart hardened, becoming stone-like and cold, purging all goodness from her (literally, if I was playing a younger Latula she would've been Lawful Good up until this point hehehe). She became a zealous enforcer of the law, dealing it in equal measure to villains and rogues regardless of intent or end result. She searched for mages and slew them with extreme prejudice, particularly those specializing in the crafting of enchanted items, in a misguided attempt to avenge Mituna.

It was only when she was taken in for her crimes did she even consider the possibility that she was wrong. Somewhere along the line, she had forgotten what service to the law and order of just societies meant, the founding principles she was taught in her home town all those years ago. Serve the guiding hand of society, and aim to leave the world a better place in the process. All she had done was leave behind a trail of bodies. Her trial was a long, drawn-out affair, where she was confronted with the families she ruined in her outrage, and she was given a one-hundred-year sentence to ruminate on her crimes. She served it faithfully, every single day, eventually earning the privilege to request books and other reading materials from the local archives. With this, she began to earn her title of "Neophyte", taking in as much information as she could and committing as much to memory as she could possibly cram in there, teaching herself the skills necessary to become a jack of all trades. Even when she was released, now aged about 230, she remained in the town to restart her life over, abandoning swordplay and instead focusing on bringing good to her community.

It lasted until her two-hundred-and-fiftieth year, where the itch of her empty scabbard became unbearable. She felt like a coiled spring ready to burst, unable to stop criminals when they were spitting her in the face. Even though she knew better now - that most of them had families to feed, that people didn't break the law out of malice - she still couldn't live with civilization as it were anymore. So that she didn't fall into old habits and spend another hundred years in jail, she abandoned it altogether. She spent several decades wandering and living off the land, acting as an adventurer would, exploring ancient ruins in hunt for nothing in particular. She slew wild game and learned how to hunt with a sword once again, killing painlessly and swiftly. There was no joy to be found for her in the suffering of others if they were innocent, and animals were as innocent as they came. When she encountered bandit hideaways, instead of ceaselessly slaying them, she simply stole their goods and weapons and left them in the wild, either returning them to the nearest village or using them for herself.

In her travels and wanderings, she eventually found her way to a vast, sacred mountain range, one where a particularly devout priest of the Signless God was said to live. She had spent her travels trying to avoid it, but when repeated trips away only brought her to its base yet again, she began her exodus, in her three hundred and forty-first year of life. I don't know how to conjugate written out numbers beyond two digits but I feel like writing 341 would ruin the mood >8]. She wandered on this mountain in search for this priest for two years, and on the brink of her death, she arrived at his doorstep. Her faith had waned beyond the pale, but the Signless God cared not for devoutness beyond simple measures. Somehow, this priest knew her history, perhaps word of mouth had spread, and she was told that the Signless God was most appeased when she was carving her own path into the law with her own blade.

This disturbed Latula greatly. Obviously.

They debated for weeks and weeks, the nature of law and the society that she, in fact, lived in, but had discarded long ago. To be an adherent of the Signless One, he told her, she must exist within the system and without it at the same time. She was given a choice \- abandon her faith and rely on the guidance of others forever, existing only as a cog within the machine (but with a different metaphor since machines and cogs don't really exist), or affirm her existence and become an arbiter of justice. She thought long and hard about her answer, and came up with her answer. She would return to civilization and act in defense of its laws and customs, but while working from the inside to change them with her own two hands. She asked if there was a right answer, and was told no.

She spent three years on the mountain, training with the priest, who taught her how to refine her technique into the form she currently uses today. To kill with a single stroke is the essence of lawful rebellion, she was taught, a sentence that sounds like gobbeldygook but is profound to an Elf, I promise! Killing with a single strike prevented retaliation and enforced your will on the world at large while offering no room for retort. When she came back down the mountain, she perfected her technique through combat, honing her edge on scum and lowlives, while using it to hunt as she did before. A painless death, as sadism was within the realm of villains and criminals.

To work within the system and without it, and change it with her own two hands. She ruminated on the apparent paradox for many years as she took on the latest identity of hers, never abandoning the title of "Neophyte" -- there was always more for her to learn. She became a bounty hunter of some repute, which is where her story catches up with the present. As a bounty hunter, she can extend the reach of the law far beyond its borders, while using her influence and reputation to move things in the way she decides for them to be moved.

And the bounty on the head of the Prince of Rage and Dualscar as a bounty big enough that she'd be able to accomplish anything she needed to thereafter. An opportunity she couldn't possibly refuse.


	7. Chapter 7

They cleaned up the board from the table quickly, little affectations of cardboard and plastic removed and swept to the side, the grid-marked paper presented to represent their campground set aside for the next time it's needed. Vriska clasped her hands together and unfurled another piece of paper, taping down the edges to the table with quickly summoned strips of scotch tape to keep it from moving while the group collected their miniatures together. It's ornate and lovely looking, almost professionally made, an intricate forest map demarcated with hexagons, a compass rose, and a little key saying that each hex is about one mile.

"Wow, where'd you swing that?" Aradia asked as she looked it over with a fine tooth comb gaze. "I thought we were using your homebrew setting?"

Vriska shot a smile in her way, leaning back in her chair slightly. "I commissioned it. Gotta burn my part-time job money on something besides student loans, after all."

"I thought your mom paid for your loans?" Terezi asked, dubious.

Vriska sighed, nodding. "Yeah, she does, but I still have to pay  _her_. Something about adult responsibility, yadda yadda. Shut up, you old hag, let me enjoy college for a little bit before the daily grind crushes all the life out of me."

Aradia leaned forward a little closer, suddenly seeming a bit more interested in the idle small talk. "Didn't you really like your mom, back when we first met?"

"Yeah, when I was 13 and didn't know any better. I thought she was cool as shit. Now I just think she's lame and probably abusive? I've been thinking about it a lot, to be honest." Vriska rambled on, before catching herself and letting her chair fall back into place, the force of the motion scooting its legs forward a little teeny bit. "But that's a thinking about it for not at the game table!"

Nepeta watched the back and forth with all the intensity of the spectator of a tennis match, before snapping towards Vriska's outstretched hand, pointed at the map. There they were, right near the center, with miles of hex-forest surrounding them. In the corner closest to Aradia and Nepeta, there was a clearing of plains with the outskirts of a town mapped out onto it, a town that Vriska's pointed finger moved towards. "This is the town of Wardenwood, where the three of you met a couple of days prior. So you should probably, uh, not go back in that direction. There's nothing stopping you if you guys decide you need to regroup back in town, though."

Nepeta looked at the other two cautiously. "Do we?" Terezi and Aradia both answered in the negative at the same time, so Nepeta looked down at her sheet and then back up at them. She asked, "Do we mind if I use a spell of Cure Wounds on myself?", and they both answered the same way again.

VRISKA: Roll it, baby!

**Nepeta has rolled a 2!**

NEPETA: So, that's two plus my spellcasting modifier of one from my Wisdom, for... 3 HP, which puts me at, um... 30!... Eh. That doesn't seem like a lot.  
TEREZI: It's not, but any bit helps in case we get ambushed by more Gnolls.  
NEPETA: Oh yeah! The Gnoll! Is he still there?  
VRISKA: Yeah, still there. Are we all pulling back into fluff town?  
NEPETA: Um, just to make sure about it, "fluff" is all the roleplaying stuff, right?  
ARADIA: Yeah, you got it!  
NEPETA: Is there another term for the dice rolling stuff? Like, an opposite of fluff?  
TEREZI: Mmhmm. That's called "crunch".  
VRISKA: _Hrngh... Colonel, there're some delicious snacks in this cupboard..._  
TEREZI: _That's peanut butter, Snake! You can find it in many suburban households, but don't let the homeowners catch you eating it!_  
NEPETA: Uh...

Aradia is a bit busy laughing to give Nepeta some kind of answer, as are the rest of them. Nepeta pouts a little, until Terezi leans over to her to help catch her up with the joke.

TEREZI: Have you ever heard of Metal Gear Solid, Nepeta? Or played Super Smash Brothers?  
NEPETA: I've played Super Smash Brothers with Karkitty a lot! Yeah!  
TEREZI: Well, the main character of Metal Gear, Snake has a very funny voice. And whenever someone says "crunch", Vriska just rattles off this tumblr post that she's enamored with, so I obviously have to indulge her.  
ARADIA: Never would've taken Vriska to be the type to have a tumblr...  
NEPETA: Oh! The guy with the rocket launcher?  
VRISKA: The very same. _Metal Gearrrrrrrr!_  
TEREZI: _Psycho Mantis!?_  
ARADIA: _A Hind D?_  
TEREZI: _You're that ninja..._

Nepeta is caught up enough in the good mood that she starts laughing too, in spite of herself, and in spite of not actually knowing what's going on.

TEREZI: Here, Nepeta, why don't you try it? You just gotta... Lower your voice,  _like this_ _, and then try to put it in your throat._  
NEPETA: _Like this?_ Heeheehee-  
TEREZI: Yeah! Now say _"Metal Gearrrrrrrr"_  
NEPETA: Alright! Um...  _Metal Gearrrrrrrr!_

Vriska is gulping down lungfuls of air in between laughs like she'll never get one again, clapping her hands together the best she can as she almost falls back out of her chair.

ARADIA: _It's just like one of my Japanese animes!_

And with that, the entire table explodes into laughter, not that the joke was particularly funny by itself, but just the sheer energy in the room feeding and rebounding and redoubling inwards. Vriska's laugh becomes ugly and misshapen, almost turning into a hissing squeal, while Terezi's cackling fills the room to the brim with noise, overwhelming the comparatively quieter sounds of Nepeta's high pitched tittering and Aradia's breathy in-sucks of air. It takes a solid five minutes for the party of roleplayers to compose themselves, and even then, the balance is tenuous, with the slightest little chuckle threatening to spill them back over into the madness of laughter once again. This time, it's Nepeta that gets everyone back on course.

NEPETA: Okay, hee-, okay, so. Is everyone okay?  
TEREZI: Peachy.  
ARADIA: Super!  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah, let's keep this show rolling!  
NEPETA: Alright, I'm going to sit on the forest floor for a couple of minutes patching my wounds up, after reassuring the Gnoll and letting him walk off. Well, I mean, he's probably going to walk away, right?  
VRISKA: Yeah, the gnoll thanks the three of you heavily, although his tinted is still tainted with sorrow. It seems like, given the beans he just spilled, meeting him again might be a difficult proposition.  
NEPETA: Oh...  
ARADIA: The Handmaid sits down with AC to watch her bandage herself. She doesn't say anything, but does seem to be staring pretty intently at the wounds.  
NEPETA: AC, um... "Everything okay, miss?" She asks, politely, wrapping some cloth strips around the cuts on her arms to soak up some of the bleeding, and then tying off another one near where the icicle hit her shoulder to put some warmth back in it. There's a little faint green glow from her claw tips as the wounds close up slightly more.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid cocks her head to the side slightly, her smooth eyes blinking slowly. "Just curious, that's all."  
NEPETA: Am I supposed to be slightly creeped out by her?  
ARADIA: It wouldn't be an unreasonable reaction!  
TEREZI: Redglare watches the Gnoll disappear away, into the distance, running her hands through her hair, wet with a slight soaking of rain. She leans on the nearest tree and sheathes her sword. "I'm not sure that letting the Gnoll free was the wisest course of action. It did attempt to kill us, after all."  
ARADIA: The Handmaid mechanically tilts her head towards Neophyte Redglare, blinking a couple of times, more quickly. "Do you think it was lying about acting under duress?"  
TEREZI: "No." She says, staring at the small shard of the Prince's wand, hoping it'll come to life and speak to her a secret or two. "But I do believe in rightful retaliation."  
NEPETA: "An eye for an eye only serves to make the world blind!" AC chimes in, getting up from the damp forest floor and rolling her shoulders a little bit, wincing in pain.  
TEREZI: "So do you suggest allowing all ne'er-do-wells to go about plucking eyes freely?" She retorts, spinning to face AC with a subtle scowl. She shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Digressions aside, I believe it would be wise for us to keep moving. After all, we already know they have our trail somehow, or at the very least, know we're moving about through the forest. I think it's equally likely that they're either using some kind of magic, or simply had spies in the town keeping them up to date."  
NEPETA: "Can you do that? Spy on people from a distance with magic?" AC asks, naively. That's totally a thing that people can do, right?  
ARADIA: Yeah, Scrying, fifth level spell! The Handmaid gets up from the forest floor as well, smoothing out her robes. "Magic can do almost anything, AC. If you're unskilled, it's best to not concern yourself with it, and allow us of keener minds to handle the mystic and arcane."  
NEPETA: Rude!

Aradia sticks her tongue out at Nepeta playfully, which she immediately accepts as an apology.

NEPETA: AC shrugs. "It's not like I've never done magic myself, just nothing that... Complex. Mostly sealing wounds and..."  
ARADIA: ...  
TEREZI: ...  
VRISKA: ...And?

Nepeta is busy looking over her sheets and spell lists, flipping them back and forth before emerging from the papers with a big, excited smile.

NEPETA: "Detecting things!"  
ARADIA: _Oh._  
TEREZI: Hahaha, I completely forgot you put that one down!  
NEPETA: Yeah!  
TEREZI: "And by things, you mean..."  
NEPETA: "I mean magic things!" AC says, bouncing up and down on her heels a little bit.

Amusingly enough, Nepeta also seems to be bouncing up and down, albeit in her chair.

NEPETA: I don't think I have to roll anything for this, do I?  
VRISKA: Nope! Just expend a spell slot.  
NEPETA: Right! AC focuses real hard and puts her clawtips together, her ears twitching. When she opens her eyes, they're coated in a little glow, the pupils narrowed to cool looking slits! What can I see?  
VRISKA: Right, so, there's a glow around the Handmaid, right where her heartstone thing is, and you can tell that that's it's some strong Necromancy magic-  
TEREZI: Wait, wha-  
VRISKA: But the rest of her gives off an aura of Transmutation.  
TEREZI: Yeah, but-  
VRISKA: As for anything else you can see, looking at the shard of the Prince's wand shows that it contains Evocation magic, but it's steadily leaking off into the air like a burst pipe. If you want to roll Arcana for it, you might be able to mental math how long it takes before the thing runs out.  
TEREZI: Necromancy?  
VRISKA: Hmm?  
TEREZI: Why does the golem give off a Necromancy aura?

Aradia smiles to herself without answering.

VRISKA: You know, Terezi, that's a really great question. Maybe if you continue the campaign you'll find out?  
TEREZI: Bluh!  
NEPETA: Okay, and does everyone else see this, or...?  
VRISKA: No, you have to relay it to them. Are you gonna make that Arcana check?  
NEPETA: Nah, I don't think I'd hit it. AC isn't very smart, heehehe.  
ARADIA: Can I roll it?  
VRISKA: Nope! You're not detecting the magic right now.  
ARADIA: What if I used Identify on it?  
VRISKA: Sure!  
ARADIA: ...On second thought, I'll save my spell slots for the time being.  
VRISKA: Hahaha, alright!  
NEPETA: "So, if we're being scryed on, I can't tell-"  
TEREZI: Right, Scrying makes an invisible tracker and Detect Magic only works on things you can see, bleh.  
NEPETA: Oh! Oops.  
TEREZI: No, no, you're fine. Trial and error!  
NEPETA: Right! Um. "I can't tell if we're being watched magically, but I can tell that the wand used to hold a lot of evo... Um... Evok... Evocation? Is that the word for it?"  
ARADIA: Yeah, that's right.  
NEPETA: Oh, no, I know! I'm being in character.  
ARADIA: Oh, whoops!  
TEREZI: "That makes sense, yes. From what I've been told about the Prince, his specialty was in Evocation." Redglare replies, a little knowingly.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid butts in a little bit. "Since when did you become the resident expert on magic?"

Terezi shoots a look at Aradia, narrowing her eyes.

TEREZI: "I'm no particular expert, I've just performed my due diligence in taking on this bounty." She says.  
NEPETA: AC is gonna butt back in so that this doesn't become an argument, ha ha ha!

Nepeta's laughter is sort of mock-nervous and smiley, an odd combination of traits.

NEPETA: "Well, either way, it's leaking! I'm not sure how long it'll take to empty out, but it will definitely empty out eventually." She explains. She's gonna keep the knowledge about the Handmaid to herself for the time being.  
TEREZI: "Hmm." Redglare looks only slightly perturbed. "Maybe they're tracking us by the wand's trail, if they have someone who can detect magic in a wide area... But then how would they know to be looking for the wand? Maybe the wand itself is the tracking object?"  
NEPETA: "But we need to follow the wand's trail anyway, right?" AC asks.  
TEREZI: "For the most part, yes." Redglare answers.  
ARADIA: "I think you're overthinking this. We don't have the means to stop them from tracking us at the moment, so we shouldn't worry about it. Let's just get a move on, we're more than capable enough of stepping on anyone in our way anyway."  
NEPETA: Right, I can still smell the trail of the wand, right?  
VRISKA: Right. And I think I'll give you a bonus for finding the path since you have Detect Magic on. Are we going to be rushing for this guy or trying to travel a little more stealthily?  
TEREZI: I don't think it's worth trying to be stealthy if they're magically tracking us. And if they aren't magically tracking us, I'm not sure it's even worth taking the risk, to be honest.  
ARADIA: I was about to say the same thing.  
NEPETA: Actually, me three!  
TEREZI: Let's try and get there quick, yeah?  
VRISKA: Alright, so we're hoofing it, one second,

Vriska flicks through her little website of useful information, looking for the appropriate table. 30 miles a day, and they aren't in open land where it's easy to travel, so she figures it wouldn't be out of the question to cut that down slightly. Plus, the rain - oh yeah, the rain! She grabs [Rainymood](https://rainymood.com/) and turns it right on, considering finding some light little lute tunes to accompany their travels, but then realizing that she didn't have anything prepared and she already had spent about a minute staring at her screen and not talking. Nope! Gotta get back to the adventure. Rainymood will do. She grabs some little purplish markers from the corner of the table, little plastic disks she stole from some other board game from her closet, and began laying them out in a winding trail to a thicker part of the forested map.

VRISKA: So, this is the approximate trail of the wand's leaking magic stuff. If you guys really hoof it, you can travel 25 miles a day in a forest, in this weather, and we'll be rolling for encounters every handful of miles.  
NEPETA: Wait, do you not have... A thing for each hex?  
VRISKA: Heh, I wish I had the time for that, but no. Random encounters are generally more convenient and less of a headache, at least for me.  
TEREZI: Plus, it gives more of an opportunity for emergent storytelling!  
NEPETA: Emergent...?  
TEREZI: Like, stringing together unrelated stuff into a coherent plot. It'll make sense later.

Vriska clatters two dice onto the map, and then scoops them up before anyone can see them, putting them back into her neatly organized pile.

VRISKA: I assume we're going to be following the trail, right?  
TEREZI: I don't see a reason why we wouldn't!  
NEPETA: So, um...

The three players gently hobble their miniatures across the map. Terezi makes hers roll around its base like it's a teetering wheel on the edge of falling, Aradia simply slides hers forward, and Nepeta bounces hers up and down in a crude imitation of walking. Nepeta slows the motion of her miniature just to get the opportunity to hold two fingers up into the air. She clears her throat.

NEPETA: "So, um, Miss Handmaid, what brings you along on our quest?" AC asks, leading the group with her keen nose and sharp eyes through the murky forest, cloak pulled up over her head to block the worst of the rain. She really does not like getting as wet as she's getting!  
ARADIA: "We did just promise the gnoll that we would try to save its tribe from the Prince's pet. Are we reneging on that deal?" She replies, trampling tall grass and snapping twigs underfoot.  
NEPETA: AC shakes her head a little bit. "I mean, for Dualscar and the Prince. Golems don't need to eat, do they?"  
ARADIA: "No, we don't, although I still do, perhaps out of habit. Do you mean the monetary reward?"  
NEPETA: AC nods vigorously. "Yeah! Do you need the money for anything in particular?"  
ARADIA: "No." She replies, curtly.  
TEREZI: Redglare just keeps her eyes and ears open while the other two chat, both hands always on her cane at all times. Should I be rolling any perception checks?  
VRISKA: Nah. As you talk, you begin to hear the sound of running water, though. It's in the direction that you're headed anyway.  
  
As they slide their miniatures along the map, Vriska picks up the little purple disks and removes them from the trail of breadcrumbs that she so elegantly laid out for them to follow.  
  
TEREZI: Right. No need to be a captain obvious and point out that there's a stream.  
NEPETA: Mmhmm. "So why are you with us, then, if not for the money?"  
  
Aradia's smile pulls a little higher at the edge of her lips, but then she lets it rest back into a neutral position.  
  
ARADIA: "I hear that the Prince is a magician of some repute, and rumor has it that he may have stolen secrets of the empire. I imagine that among the things he took with him during his defection are tomes and scrolls, so I would like to use his knowledge to find the person I am modeled after." The Handmaid explains, a speech that has an almost practiced quality to it, a deep hollowness in her voice.  
NEPETA: "Like with a big scrying spell?" AC asks.  
ARADIA: "Indeed, my feline friend. Powerful as I am, I am nothing to a practiced court magus. If he does not have the knowledge I seek, then we'll simply put a knife to his throat until he casts a big enough scrying spell that I can find Damara and kill her."  
  
Terezi's eyes go from the map to snapping upwards at Aradia's, and Nepeta looks genuinely slightly appalled, although Vriska doesn't even flinch. Of course she knew this twist in advance, considering that Aradia had okayed it with her first.  
  
TEREZI: Redglare stops in her tracks, turning to face the Handmaid and gesturing towards her with the tip of her cane. "Care to repeat that?"  
NEPETA: AC's eyes flick back and forth between the two, nervously.  
ARADIA: "I will find the person I am modeled after, and kill her. If she is already dead, then I will cremate her corpse. If she is already ashes, I will scatter them to the wind. And if she is already scattered to the wind, then I must know, for peace of mind." The Handmaid says, as if this is a perfectly logical and not at all crazy thing to be saying.  
NEPETA: Uh...  
TEREZI: Redglare glowers at Aradia and turns back around to keep walking. "When we capture Dualscar and the Prince, just know that I will not allow you to achieve your goals, and will take you to the blade if I must."  
ARADIA: "That's fine." The Handmaid responds, unperturbed. "I don't expect you to understand, and you need my help anyway. This is an alliance of mutual interests. It was never some kind of civil, cordial partnership. If you get in my way, I'll kill you too."  
  
Nepeta takes a couple of deep breaths, covering her hand with her mouth. Vriska raises an eyebrow, and as Terezi opens her mouth to respond in-character, Aradia puts her hand up.  
  
NEPETA: Do you guys mind if we take a break for a little bit? Sorry. Sorry!

The other three look at each other in various patterns of head motion. Aradia is the first one to get up, walking the couple of inches over to Nepeta to pat her on the back. Vriska and Terezi share a kind of startled glance.

"Yeah, okay, let's take five," Vriska said as she got up, stretching her arms over her head. "Little stretching does the body good.", and then she disappeared into the bathroom to take a leak.

Terezi didn't get up, but she did scoot her chair closer to Nepeta so that she could put her hand on Nepeta's back, lower down than Aradia's. They both leaned in close, Aradia's hair falling over Nepeta's shoulders as she squatted down. "Everything okay, Nepeta?" Aradia asked, moving her hands into Nepeta's lap so that Terezi had more room to navigate the real estate that was the back of Nepeta's t-shirt.

"Mmhmm, I just..." Nepeta breathed in nice and deep, picturing that little dot unfurling into a line, and then a triangle, and then a square, and so on, and then folding back down. Her eyes drooped shut, and then slowly opened back up. "It's hard hearing two people I'm dating talk about killing each other?"

"But you talk about that all the time when we RP?" Terezi asked, giving Nepeta's shoulders a little rub and squeeze.

"Yeah, but I wasn't hearing you guys say it out loud with your voice, heh heh..." Nepeta answered, letting it all click into place for the other two. They shared a glance, something that seemed to be happening with increasing frequency as the day went on, and then looked back to Nepeta.

"That makes sense." Terezi said, while Aradia got up, kissing Nepeta on the forehead.

"I'm gonna get us all some water, okay?" Aradia asked, not really expecting an answer to her rhetorical question to come as she wandered off into the cupboards to find some cups. The apartment was small enough, though, that no yelling was necessary to get points across.

"Can you actually grab me a diet coke from the fridge?" Terezi asked, turning her head just enough to see (barely) Aradia in her periphery and then back to Nepeta. "Do you want us to turn it down a little bit?"

"Yeah, sure!" Aradia called out back over her shoulder.

"No, you don't need to do that... I just needed a minute or so to breathe about it, heh." Nepeta replied, looking down at her character sheet. She took another big, deep breath, and smiled back at Terezi, only to be startled by a sudden peck on the lips.

"Let us know if this starts getting too dark and edgy for you." Terezi offered, beginning to scoot her seat back into place, letting it scrape against Vriska's apartment floor over and over again. The sound of running water from the bathroom predicted the arrival of the dungeon master from the bathroom, wringing water from her skin with a towel and then lazily throwing it over her shoulder. "I probably won't tone it down, but we can take breaks or I can autopilot your character."

Nepeta responded with a cocky little grin, as if she had just been challenged to a duel. "C'mon, you know the kind of stuff we RP about! I can handle a little edge from mew~"


	8. Chapter 8

Drinks retrieved, bathroom trips made, and lukewarm pizza slices consumed, the group returns to their table ready to return to business. Vriska attempts to say something, but Nepeta holds her hands up first.

NEPETA: "You two, stop that." She shouts, trying to be as authoritative as possible. "Let's bicker once we've put these scoundrels to justice. Right now, we have a job to do."  
ARADIA: The Handmaid sighs dramatically. "Fine. We'll bicker once we're done."  
TEREZI: Redglare returns to her previous stance, not saying a word in response.  
VRISKA: The three of you happen upon a landmark, likely the first of many - a small stream, maybe 10 feet across at its widest, no more than a foot deep or so, bubbling through the woods without a care in the world.

There's a quick clattering of more dice, hidden on Vriska's keyboard before anyone can see how many, and of what kind, they were.

VRISKA: Around the stream is a scene that doesn't paint a particularly enjoyable picture. A small fishing net, cut in several spots, and tattered, bloodied strips of cloth. A single arm lay on the grass, still gripping the net for dear life, fingers tightly wound around its strands and knots.  
ARADIA: Oh my.  
NEPETA: Hmm... How fresh is the blood? Do we need to roll for that?  
VRISKA: No, you can see just by getting closer to the stream, although it's on the other side. Everything is brown and dry at this point, rather than fresh red, although without further investigation all you can tell from the arm is that it's from a darkish-skinned individual, which means it's probably from one of the more human-like humanoid races.  
TEREZI: Do you think that really matters that much? Also, I'm going to roll Perception to notice if there's anything odd.  
VRISKA: Go ahead.

**Terezi has rolled an 11!**

TEREZI: That's 14 with my modifiers. Anything weird? Air that's deathly still, no birds?  
VRISKA: Nothing but the falling rain, sis.  
ARADIA: What can we tell about the arm and the net from here?  
VRISKA: The arm is cleanly cut at the stump, and the grass near it is soaked in dried blood. That's about it.  
TEREZI: Must've been there a while to get soaked in if the rain hasn't washed it away... Redglare points the tip of her cane at it. "Werecat, you're good at smelling the injured, right? Do you think your keen senses could point us towards wherever the owner of this limb went?"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid rolls her eyes in their stone sockets.  
NEPETA: I, um, can I? It looks like this has been here a while, but my racial feature only applies to wounded targets, and whoever's this is is purrobably dead, right?  
VRISKA: Hmm. Tell you what, I'll let you pick up the scent but there's no trail, but if it comes up again we'll have AC remember that particular blood scent. Sound good?  
NEPETA: Right! AC shakes her head while she steps across the stream carefully, bouncing from rock to rock to avoid getting herself wetter than necessary. When nothing, uh, nothing happens, right?  
VRISKA: When you get close to the arm?  
ARADIA: ...  
TEREZI: ...  
VRISKA: ...Yeah, nothing happens.  
NEPETA: Whew, alright! When nothing happens, she bends down, her nose twitching at the grisly sight. "No can do, Neophyte. The body's too old and the rain is washing away the scent."  
TEREZI: Redglare sighs and steps across in the shallowest part of the stream, trying to navigate from rock to rock.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid just walks across, because she's made of stone and doesn't care about getting her feet wet.  
TEREZI: "The least we can do is give it a proper burial, aye?" She says, pulling her shovel out of her rucksack and pressing it into the wet earth.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid sighs dramatically, like an upset teenager. I'm gonna use Mending on the fishing net to fix the tears, is that alright?  
VRISKA: Sure thing.  
NEPETA: AC solemnly joins in on the digging, using her fingers to scrape up enough earth and soil to give the hand a proper resting place.  
VRISKA: The three of you manage to dig a small, arm-sized grave for the arm and pat it back down, and-  
NEPETA: AC is going to grab a suitably sized rock... No, wait, three rocks, from the stream, and stack them on top of each other as a grave marker.  
VRISKA: Alright. You've marked the location, AC has the scent of the, uh, corpse? And Aradia has a fishing net now. I mean, the Handmaid. Carrying on!

Vriska rolls her dice again, takes a quick note of the number, and then snatches them back away from sight. She makes a little noise, and clicks her trackpad, immediately filling the room with [soft, foresty music from a video game](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=8FUpI0ciVlA#Etrian_Odyssey_Untold_2%3A_TKoF_-_Labyrinth_II_-_Ever-Scarlet_Forest). It's relaxing, but the chord progressions bring with it some kind of slim, thin foreboding sensation. Almost mysterious, in a way. Terezi smirks towards Vriska, knowing exactly what game this is from, but says nothing of it.

NEPETA: Ooh, music!  
VRISKA: As the three of you follow the trail, you're eventually interrupted by the fluttering of wings. With the rainclouds up above, it's not easy to tell exact times, but the faintest of orange glows indicates that it may be close to sunset. What might be the bigger indicator, though, is the gigantic fucking owl that just plopped down from the canopy.  
ARADIA: How big is it, exactly?

Vriska looks at her hands, stands up, and then stretches out her arms as far as they can go.

VRISKA: Like, two of these end-to-end total, wingspan included.  
TEREZI: I don't go owl-watching often, is that big?  
NEPETA: Yeah! Most owls have wingspans of around three to five feet, while most people have wing, uh... Arm spans about as tall as they are. So this is probably a six foot wingspanned owl.  
VRISKA: HEY!!!!!!!!

A good chuckle is had at the dungeon master's expense.

NEPETA: Heehehehehee, so its about twice as wide as the upper range of owl wingspans, making it about twice as big as a normal owl? I think?  
ARADIA: Logically speaking, there's no way this thing should be able to fly.  
VRISKA: Whyyyyyyyy are you bringing logic into our tabletop role-playing game?  
ARADIA: That is an excellent question.  
VRISKA: It's a big fuckin' owl!

With that, Vriska plonks down a small, not-owl miniature onto the table.

TEREZI: Wow! That's a very goblin-looking owl you have there.  
VRISKA: Do I really need to go to my room and get the actual bird miniature for you guys?  
ARADIA: Is it an owl?  
VRISKA: No, I think it's an eagle. But they're both flying birds of prey, isn't that good enough?  
ARADIA: No.  
TEREZI: No.  
NEPETA: Yeah!  
VRISKA: As the DM, my vote counts for two people, so I'm just going to-

Vriska gets up, disappears into her bedroom with the sound of socks on the floor, and returns a minute later with an armful of miniatures that she dumps on the kitchen counter, before grabbing one that does, indeed, look like an eagle, or some other kind of bird of prey. Vriska doesn't know the difference between eagles and hawks, only between eagles and owls, and hawks and owls, but not the other combination. Was there a sports team named after the hawks? The [city] Hawks? Keep that one for later, Vriska, now's not the time. She conspicuously swaps out the goblin figurine with that of the eagle slash hawk slash another kind of bird of prey.

VRISKA: There. All better. Immersion maintained.

Terezi proceeds to do her best John Cena impersonation.

TEREZI: Are you sure about that?

Her pursed lips, corners upturned, are smug and enjoying the moment.

VRISKA: Very. Giant owl! It's on the ground now, staring at you all. What do?  
NEPETA: I don't suppose I can cast "Animal Friendship" on it, can I?  
VRISKA: No, its intelligence is too high. I think. What's the threshold on that, 3 or lower, right?

Nepeta pulls an index card out from under her sheet, and then shuffles through one more index card to get to what she was looking for.

NEPETA: Three or lower.  
VRISKA: Right, yeah, you can't friendship this bird. It's not attacking you anyway, though.  
TEREZI: I say we get it to start attacking us.  
NEPETA: No!!!  
TEREZI: Relax, I'm kidding.  
NEPETA: You better be!  
ARADIA: The Handmaid takes a step closer to judge the owl for reactions.

Everyone is back to staring at the table intently, hoping to bore a hole in the plastic figures with their gazes.

VRISKA: The owl stares back, tilting its head towards the Handmaid, like a kid walking in on their parents and not understanding what's happening.  
TEREZI: Ew.  
ARADIA: Weird comparison, but okay.  
NEPETA: Well, I have Animal Handling training and a plus one in Wisdom, so should I do the, uh, talking?  
TEREZI: I actually think - yeah, Redglare has the same, too. But you seem more the naturey type so maybe I'll let you go in first and then I can try to calm it down if things go south?  
ARADIA: Why are we paying attention to a giant owl?  
NEPETA: Because it's fun! Birds are cool!  
ARADIA: Fair enough, I concede that point.  
VRISKA: I wonder how many times I'll end up saying "Roll it" or "Roll for it!" or some version of the phrase before this campaign ends?  
TEREZI: Today I think about three so far. No, wait, now four.

**Nepeta has rolled a 17!**

NEPETA: Plus 1, plus 2, that's a twenty! Do I critically hit for animal handling?  
VRISKA: No, that'd only be if you rolled a twenty by itself on the dice, not if you end up with or above a twenty.

Vriska gives Nepeta something that seems a rarity from the sharp-tongued dungeon master - some kind of genuine smile.

VRISKA: Just while we're here, I really...

There's a pregnant pause hanging in the air, like the fetid scent of a wafted flatulence. Gross and uncomfortable.

VRISKA: Appreciate how seriously you're taking this?  
NEPETA: Oh, um, thanks!

Nepeta shoots Vriska a genuine smile back at her, and they lock eyes for a scant moment before tearing them back away towards the map and its not-an-owl-but-standing-in-for-an-owl figurine. Terezi looks at Vriska, trying to discern some kind of hidden ulterior motive, but she's failing her insight check because she's not seeing anything amiss, even as Aradia pulls the same kind of examination on Vriska. Both eyes see nothing amiss.

NEPETA: AC gets closer to the owl, slowly and carefully, putting her hands up to show she means no harm. She walks slowly and carefully, reaching back into her pack to grab a small little piece of her rations and break it off as some kind of offering. Um, "Hello there, Mr. Owl. Can you... understand us?"  
VRISKA: The massive owl appraisingly stares at AC, its eyes slowly trailing up and down, assessing her for threat. When the owl is satisfied she means no harm, it takes a little jump forward, accompanied with a single flap of its wings, grabs the bite of food out of AC's hands, and then swallows it whole before matching her gaze and nodding.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid's right eyebrow raises as she stops to look at the owl more closely.  
TEREZI: Neophyte Redglare gets closer, but remains behind AC. "Can you really?"  
VRISKA: The owl glowers at Redglare, flapping away from her as soon as she starts getting closer.  
TEREZI: Oh, c'mon, really? This owl is just speciesist. I bet if we started speaking elf to it it'd freak out.  
NEPETA: Can I try speaking Elvish to it?  
VRISKA: Sure.  
TEREZI: Hoo boy.  
NEPETA: AC recalls words from somewhere in the back of her mind that give her a mild headache to think about for too long. "Can you still understand me?"  
VRISKA: The owl seems less perturbed by AC than by Redglare or the Handmaid, and its nod is unmistakable.  
NEPETA: Who has the wand right now? Me? Oh yeah, is my Detect Magic still up?  
VRISKA: Yeah, sure.  
TEREZI: To which, Vriska? She asked two questions.  
VRISKA: Uhh... Both.  
NEPETA: Is this owl magical at all, that I can see?  
VRISKA: Hmm... No. It's just a big owl that the book says can understand speech.  
NEPETA: Alright, I'm gonna hold out the piece of wand to it carefully. Does it react in any way?  
VRISKA: Strongly, it begins backing away quickly and puffs up its feathers as if to appear bigger.  
TEREZI: That's a yes.  
NEPETA: AC puts the glowing wand shard back in her pack, and speaks softly to the owl. "Do you recognize that?  
VRISKA: One second...

Vriska rolls a d20 onto her keyboard, hiding the results.

VRISKA: The owl makes a weird face at AC, bending its head up and down in an attempt to look at her with more scrutiny.  
NEPETA: Oh, okay. Um. I pull out the wand piece again?  
VRISKA: As soon as it comes out of your bag, the owl lets out a little screech and puffs back up.  
NEPETA: I return the wand shard to my backpack.  
TEREZI: Redglare butts in to ask a question.  
VRISKA: Oh, roll Animal Handling, then.

**Terezi has rolled a 1!**

TEREZI: Oh for fucks sa-  
VRISKA: The owl lets out a loud, keening screech, flapping upwards onto a sturdy branch with a couple of heavy swipes of its wings. It stares down at you three contemptuously from up above, haughtily perched.  
NEPETA: Aww!  
ARADIA: That's a shame. Should I throw a rock at it?  
NEPETA: No!!! Why do you guys want to hurt fake animals so much?

Aradia shrugs.

NEPETA: Can I still try to talk to it?  
VRISKA: You can try, I can't guarantee it'll be receptive, though.  
NEPETA: Alright! Um... Thinking...

Nepeta puts her hand on her chin for a couple of seconds.

NEPETA: AC reaches into her pack and pulls it open just enough that the faint purple glow of the wand is visible. Is this getting a reaction out of the owl?

Privately, Terezi gets a little jolt of admiration for Nepeta's deductive reasoning skills, a jolt that she hadn't remembered feeling before. She says nothing about it, though.

VRISKA: The owl visibly tenses up like it's preparing to fly away, but doesn't puff itself out or screech.  
NEPETA: Alright, I'm going to put my pack down on the ground and pantomime stepping on it loudly. "We want to... Find this stick's owner. So we can make him stop glowing." What should I roll for that?  
VRISKA: That'd be performance.  
NEPETA: Performance it is!

Nepeta cups the d20 in her hands and gives them a little exhaltation as she rattles it around before loosing it lightly onto the map.

**Nepeta has rolled a 6!**

ARADIA: Oh no!  
NEPETA: Darnit!  
VRISKA: Your play of charades does not please the owl. It gives you a little squawk and disappears into the canopy above.  
ARADIA: Well, that was a bust.  
NEPETA: That's okay! We can't win them all.  
TEREZI: We did good for what we did, at least! What's next on the trail, Vriska?  
VRISKA: Excellent question! Let's find out.

Vriska rolls a die, looks at it, and then scoops it back up into her hand and rolls again.

VRISKA: First event is that you're making excellent time, despite the rain getting a little bit harsher. The canopy is thick enough that it forms a natural umbrella, and you're "damp" at worst, not soaked. And obviously, one of your party probably doesn't care too much.  
ARADIA: I mean, the Handmaid does like her robes to remain unsullied by things that aren't blood or corpse bits.  
VRISKA: Gross! Didn't need to hear that! But okay.

At this point, they're about halfway down the trail of purple that Vriska has laid out for them, every motion forward causing her to scoop up the little tokens one by one and set them in her growing pile of colored plastic disks.

VRISKA: At this point, the sun has likely begun to set in earnest, filling the forest with a creeping darkness, and filling you with disadvantage on perception checks. The rain still hasn't let up, and not helping matters is the fact that the trees seem to be getting larger and thicker as you follow the wand's trail.  
ARADIA: How thick did they start out? Like, orchard trees, or are these redwoods?

Vriska thinks for a moment.

VRISKA: How big are redwoods?  
TEREZI: Sec.

There's the familiar clicks of an Apple™ brand iPhone 7™'s touch screen™ keyboard. Terezi purses her lips while the other two players look at each other in idle half-excitement.

TEREZI: About 20 feet wide-ish for the really old ones.  
VRISKA: Okay, so...

Vriska gets up again and stretches her arms out end-to-end, t-posing in the middle of her apartment.

VRISKA: They were anywhere from this wide to about twice this wide.

She sits down, and Nepeta and Aradia both decide to applaud her politely, a decision made amusingly independently of each other.

ARADIA: So, I think it'd be not inaccurate to say that these are some gigantic trees?  
TEREZI: Perhaps one could even call them big fucking trees?  
ARADIA: I wouldn't go that far, but yes, something like that?  
NEPETA: Big heckin' trees!  
VRISKA: Yes. That would be accurate. So, you can continue walking, but you will be rolling on a harder table with more combat encounters, which, by the way, how the hell did you avoid combat encounters so far?

Terezi leans in to give Nepeta a pat on the back.

TEREZI: Animal Handling.  
VRISKA: Fair enough. So, you three can decide whether or not you want to make camp or if you want to keep going.  
ARADIA: Hmm...  
NEPETA: Do we want to travel one more notch and then make camp at the end of that?

Aradia shrugs her shoulders.

ARADIA: I'll throw my vote in with whatever Nepeta wants.

Terezi shrugs immediately afterward.

TEREZI: Works for me.

Vriska bares her teeth in a wild grin and rolls the dice one more time, grabbing it and comparing it to the table that's up on her laptop. She gets up, holds her hand up in a "One second" motion, and departs for her bedroom.

TEREZI: Aw, fuck.

Terezi says, apropos of nothing - at least, not until Vriska returns with a ghostly figurine on its rounded plastic base. Vriska slowly, carefully pulls tokens off the path, and drags everyone's miniatures forward when they seem reluctant to do so on their lonesome, before winding her arm up and slamming the figurine of the wailing, mournful ghost.

TEREZI: Aw, shit-  
VRISKA: As you trudge through the darkening forest, sunlight quickly failing, your ears begin to pick up a mournful sound.  
TEREZI: Ah, fuck-  
VRISKA: Plaintive, loud, and keening, a cry that is intimately familiar to the one elf of the party, although AC actually hears it slightly first, thanks to her sharper ears.  
TEREZI: God fucking damnit.  
VRISKA: The crying and wailing gets louder and louder until a feminine figure bursts through the treeline, hovering slightly above the ground.  
TEREZI: Can we rewind a tiny bit? Just so Redglare can prepare the party?  
VRISKA: Oh, sure.  
TEREZI: Rock on. So, Redglare is going to turn to them and get both hands on her sword, ready to draw.  
ARADIA: Wait, why not unsheathe it entirely?  
TEREZI: Oh, Redglare uses a style of swordplay called "Iajutsu" in the real world but doesn't have a name here, where the intent is to draw the sword and cut in a single motion and then return to its sheath immediately afterward. There's backstory stuff related to it but I really just thought it was kind of cool.  
ARADIA: Fair enough!  
TEREZI: Anyway, she's going to lower her voice and bend down slightly. Does she actually recognize the sound on-sight or will I need to roll for it?  
VRISKA: For now I'll let you just recognize it immediately.  
TEREZI: Alright. "I hear a banshee." She says, matter-of-factly, her grip tightening around her sword. "Keep your head up, try not to look too closely at it, and for the Gods's sake, if it begins screaming, cover your ears! Or else, you will just drop dead on the spot."  
NEPETA: AC looks down at her hands. Um, since I know that a fight is coming, can I transform into Werecat form pre-emptively?  
VRISKA: Sure, sure.  
NEPETA: Alright! Her nails stretch and elongate, fusing into large claws, while her muzzle stretches out very slightly, fur sprouting from her body while she gets stronger looking.  
ARADIA: "Interesting." The Handmaid says. "Is it corporeal?"  
TEREZI: "I don't know and who cares?" Redglare replies.  
VRISKA: The Banshee begins slowly wandering into view, the soft white light coming off of its body filling the air.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid responds with: "I'd love to capture and study something capable of causing instant death. Is that just me?"  
NEPETA: "Yes."  
TEREZI: "I'd say so, yes."  
ARADIA: She scoffs and rolls her eyes, readying herself.  
VRISKA: The Banshee finally comes into view, her hair cascading down her body in a messy tangle, robes tattered and worn, body stretched out and left limber and willowy from years of spiritual decay. It turns towards the group and lets out a loud, rattling moan!

Vriska grabs a d20 from her dice pile.

VRISKA: Roll for initiative!


	9. Chapter 9

As the dice hit the table, Vriska goes ahead and changes the background music to something still low enough in volume to be "background music", but significantly more threatening sounding. After all, what's a good combat encounter without some [combat music](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=6tsCTAwhCes&s=&e=#Darkest_Dungeon_Soundtrack%3A_Battle_in_the_Warrens_\(Extended_Version\))?

**Nepeta has rolled a 16! Aradia has rolled a 13! Terezi has rolled a 2! Vriska has rolled a 1!**

VRISKA: Oh for fuck's-  
TEREZI: Fuck yeah!  
NEPETA: So I have a 19, I think.  
ARADIA: 13.  
TEREZI: 4!  
VRISKA: ...A 3. Boo!  
TEREZI: What, trying to scare us?  
VRISKA: No, I'm expressing disgust! Bleh.  
NEPETA: So my turn first, right? Can I hit her?  
VRISKA: Not yet, she's about 40 feet away from you all, due North-ish.  
NEPETA: Alright. I'm not going to move closer to her because it's dark out and I don't want us to get ambushed, and my roar doesn't reach far enough. Is there anything else I can do on my turn?  
ARADIA: Don't you have darkvision?  
NEPETA: Do I?

Nepeta quickly checks her sheet.

NEPETA: You're right! I do. Can I get closer while keeping an eye out?  
VRISKA: Go ahead.

Nepeta toddles her miniature over a little bit - they haven't swapped out the map for a smaller one representative of the actual environment of the fight, but Vriska has marked where they were with a white plastic token, presumably so that things can remain accurate when they return to using the larger map as it was intended to be used. With no dice to roll, Nepeta just gets AC closer, and then stops.

ARADIA: Alright, my turn.

Aradia cracks her knuckles and grabs a couple of d4s, those spiky pyramidal foot-murderers usually left carelessly around Vriska's bedroom but dutifully cleaned up in time for her guests to arrive. Thankfully, Aradia brought her own set.

ARADIA: I cast Magic Missile at Level 2.

**Aradia has rolled a 3, a 4, a 2, and a 2!**

NEPETA: Do you not need to roll to hit?  
ARADIA: Nope! Magic Missile! That's...

Aradia counts her fingers quickly.

ARADIA: 15 Force damage!  
VRISKA: Alright, let's play it out.  
ARADIA: Chanting a short incantation, the Handmaid curls her fingers inward, little sparks of light collecting together into four whirling, purple darts. With a flick of her wrist, she flings them Banshee-ward.  
VRISKA: The Banshee doesn't seem to even notice as the bolts split through her frame, digging holes in her lanky body. Also, 15 damage, damn. Terezi's turn?  
TEREZI: I'm going to move 35 feet and then use my Masterstroke attack on her.

Before Vriska even gives her the go-ahead, Terezi scoots her miniature until it's bumping up against the Banshee's figurine. Grabbing two d20s from her pile, she throws them onto the table.

**Terezi has rolled a 14 and a 7!**

TEREZI: So, plus five gives me a 19 to hit, what's this bad boy's AC-  
NEPETA: Yes?  
TEREZI: I mean, her armor class. 12? 13?

Nepeta giggles quietly to herself. No, she did not pick AC's abbreviation on purpose, but that won't stop her from finding it funny every time it comes up.

VRISKA: It's twelve, with resistance to Slashing.  
TEREZI: Oh, of course. Banshees are resistant to goddamn everything. Anyway, I'm two-handing my sword so that's 4d10+3, half as much on a miss... Divided by two, for the resistance.  
NEPETA: ...Whoa! That's, uh, a lot of dice!  
TEREZI: Very astute of you, Nepeta! Yes, that is a fuckton of dice.

**Terezi has rolled a 10, a 7, a 9, and a 3!**

TEREZI: That's 17 plus 12 so 29 plus 3 is 32 divided by 2 is 16. 16 slashing damage, and then I...

Terezi grabs her miniature and lifts it up, plopping it down on the other side of the Banshee.

TEREZI: Teleport behind her. Nothing personnel, kid.  
ARADIA: Don't you mean "nothing personal?"

Nepeta's giggles intensify, while she lifts up a couple of fingers to cover her mouth.

TEREZI: No, no I do not. Anywhosen - Redglare strides leisurely forward, taking long steps enough to cover 35 feet in slightly less than six seconds. Once the Banshee turns to her, Redglare grabs a hold of her sword's handle, and the air goes quiet. The next moment, she's gone, appearing behind the Banshee, sword outstretched. She whips off grime and muck from the Banshee's newly opened wound from the blade, and flips around on her heel to face the Banshee as she sheathes her sword.  
ARADIA: Very evocative.

Terezi does a little bow.

TEREZI: Thank you. Thank you very much.  
VRISKA: Roight, so... The Banshee is going to Wail.  
TEREZI: Fuck.  
NEPETA: Is that bad? I mean, she's a bad guy so it's obviously bad, but, like, how bad is it?

Terezi tilts her head towards Nepeta, making an exaggeratedly strained grin.

TEREZI: It's "instantly drops you to zero HP" bad.  
NEPETA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Thankfully for you guys, the Handmaid is both a construct and out of range anyway, so at least one of you will remain alive!  
ARADIA: Encouraging.  
VRISKA: Right? Anyway, you two make a Constitution saving throw.

Nepeta gulps, grabs a die, and looses it onto the table. Terezi looks somewhat more confident.

NEPETA: I hope this works--

**Terezi has rolled a 2! Nepeta has rolled a 17!**

TEREZI: Wait, what? Rude. Bad dice!  
NEPETA: Did I not die?  
VRISKA: No, but you do take 3d6 Psychic damage!

**Vriska has rolled a 5, a 5, and a 2!**

VRISKA: Twelve of it, if my math is correct! Which it is.  
NEPETA: And Redglare...?  
VRISKA: Did not succeed the saving throw! Haw haw haw-! The Banshee pulls her head back, letting it flop backwards so far that it looks like it's about to fall off, and lets out a sickening, rattling wail, causing Redglare to collapse immediately where she stands, sword spilling out of her hand as she succumbs.  
NEPETA: Oh no! I'm walking around the Banshee. If I get close to her and try to walk away she'll get to hit me, right?  
TEREZI: Yeah, she'll get to make an attack of opportunity. Does AC have enough movement speed to walk around?  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
NEPETA: Alright, I'm using "Cure Wounds" on Redglare! I think that's my last open spell slot, too.  
VRISKA: Sounds good.  
TEREZI: Remind me to give you a kiss on the cheek later for that.

**Nepeta has rolled a 7!**

NEPETA: Yeah! That's 8 HP back!  
TEREZI: Make that a kiss on the forehead.  
NEPETA: Yay!  
VRISKA: Alright, you get back up at 8 HP.  
TEREZI: Excellent.  
NEPETA: AC leans down, grabbing Redglare by the wrist and tugging her back up to her feet, slapping her on the back to start her out of her temporary near-death experience.  
VRISKA: The Banshee twists its head around one hundred and eighty degrees to stare at AC, her mouth hanging loosely open.  
NEPETA: Gross, I don't like that!  
ARADIA: I cast magic missile!

Aradia sounds even more excited to say it a second time.

ARADIA: Second level spell slot again, and I'm out. That makes me functionally useless, yay!  
NEPETA: No, don't say that! You've got a bunch of spells you can still cast, right?  
ARADIA: Hahaha, yes, I do! I'm just saying a little wizard joke. Magic missile!

**Aradia has rolled a 4, a 1, a 1, and a 4!**

ARADIA: With all the style and grace of a belly dancer in her sinuous, wavy motions, the Handmaid conjures up four more darts and flings them towards the Banshee for 14 Force damage. That's... 45 total, right?  
VRISKA: According to my notes, yeah. She has... Oh, wait, I can't tell you that! I guess you'll have to whack away until she dies.  
TEREZI: With pleasure. I'm going to use my Masterstroke again and teleport to the other side of the Banshee.  
VRISKA: What's the limit of uses on that thing?  
TEREZI: Three per long rest.  
VRISKA: Fair enough. Roll to hit?

**Terezi has rolled a 5!**

VRISKA: Damn, not enough! Oh well.  
TEREZI: I still do half damage on a miss, remember?  
VRISKA: Fuck, right.

**Terezi has rolled a 3, a 1, a 5, and a 9!**

TEREZI: That's 3 plus 1 plus 5 is 9, plus 9 is 18 plus 3 is 21, halved for miss is 10.5, halved for resistance is 5.25, rounded down is 5.  
VRISKA: Barely a scratch! Womp, womp, womp.  
TEREZI: Either way, I draw my blade and cut a new notch on her side in one swift flash step.  
ARADIA: Weeb.  
TEREZI: Hush, profligate! Flash stepping is awesome and so is iajutsu.

Aradia playfully rolls her eyes Terezi-ward.

VRISKA: Are you two done flirting?  
ARADIA: Hey!--  
VRISKA: Because if so, the Banshee is going to use her Horrifying Visage which does, in fact, hit everyone. Roll a Wisdom saving throw!

**Terezi has rolled an 18! Nepeta has rolled an 8! Aradia has rolled a 6!**

VRISKA: The Banshee twists and curls up around itself unnaturally, almost contorting into a ball, and lets out a wordless shriek, filling AC and the Handmaid with a sense of unnatural dread! You are now both Frightened as shit.  
NEPETA: What's Frightened do?  
VRISKA: You take disadvantage on attacks and ability checks while you can see the source of the fear, and you can't move towards it consciously.  
NEPETA: Rude!  
VRISKA: Anyway, I do believe it's your turn, Nepeta?  
NEPETA: I'm gonna hit her with my claws!

**Nepeta has rolled a 13 and an 8!**

NEPETA: What's the Banshee's armor class again?  
VRISKA: 12.  
NEPETA: Yeah! I hit her!

**Nepeta has rolled a 6!**

NEPETA: 9 damage!  
VRISKA: Not quite, she's resistant to any forms of physical damage from non-magical weapons. So that's half of 9, which is 4.  
NEPETA: Does it not round up?  
VRISKA: Nope! Everything rounds down in D&D.  
NEPETA: Curses! 4 damage, at least. AC bares her claws, hisses like a wild predator, and swipes at the Banshee's face, pretending to be unafraid! Aradia, are you gonna cast mewgic missile?  
ARADIA: I'm gonna cast... Magic missile!

**Aradia has rolled a 1, a 2, and a 3!**

ARADIA: 9 Force damage! That's 63 total, right?  
VRISKA: Right-o.  
ARADIA: Backing a little bit away from the unnerving creature, the Handmaid summons three darts between her fingers and flings them towards the Banshee, hopefully bringing her that much closer to death.  
VRISKA: You're pretty close! Hahahaha~!  
TEREZI: I do not like that laugh one bit.  
NEPETA: Me neither!  
TEREZI: Anyway, hopefully we can finish this off. Masterstroke, again.  
ARADIA: All of them? Isn't that probably going to be overkill?  
TEREZI: Well, I figure we're probably taking a long rest after this, right? We'll be getting everything back anyway, and it'll be cool as shit.  
ARADIA: True.

**Terezi has rolled an 8!**

TEREZI: Just barely a hit.

Terezi leans forward, adjusting her glasses and putting on a dramatic, tight-lipped, serious face.

TEREZI: This ends now.

**Terezi has rolled a 3, a 2, a 7, and a 1!**

VRISKA: Does it?  
TEREZI: 5 plus 1 is 6 plus 7 is 13 plus 3 is 16 divided in half is 8 Slashing damage. Going by the average for a Banshee, which I think is "It should be dead already", my money is on "Yes, it does.".  
VRISKA: But does it, though?  
TEREZI: Redglare grits her teeth, grips her cane's handle, and flourishes her blade across the Banshee, attempting to cleave the vengeful elf-spirit in twain with a diagonal cut. She flicks the remnants of disused cloth and ectoplasmic slick from her blade, twice, and then sheathes it.

The table is staring forward, enraptured, waiting for the proclamation of Vriska - if this creature will get to attack again, or if Redglare's final blow has finished it off. The air is thick and heavy with tension, thick enough that it could be iajutsu'd through by a powerful swordswoman, should she so desire. Then, Vriska plays the [Final Fantasy 7 fanfare theme](https://youtu.be/-YCN-a0NsNk).

VRISKA: Crushed it. The Banshee reaches out towards Redglare pitifully with an outstretched claw-  
NEPETA: And AC growls, grabbing the Banshee's wrist and snapping it before she can hurt her friend.

Vriska chuckles. Sure, why not?

VRISKA: The Banshee howls in pain - not one of her magical howls, just a sorrowful one, as the final diagonal slice begins to separate the two halves of its body. Quickly, it dissolves into a fine, white powder, blown away by the rainy, gentle breeze. The Banshee passes on. And you all earn 1100 XP!  
ARADIA: Oh, worm?  
VRISKA: Worm indeed. That takes you from 3100 to 4200.  
NEPETA: Yay!

Vriska removes the Banshee's figurine from the map, settling it into a loose pile of other disused figurines, before moving everyone back to where they should be along the wand's trail.

TEREZI: Redglare sighs, almost buckling down on her knees--  
NEPETA: But AC catches her and hoists her back up and then asks her if she's okay!

Terezi smirks a teeny tiny bit.

TEREZI: "Yeah, I'm fine now. But thanks for the quick save." Redglare replies, her tone of voice sounding unsure if it wants to be sincere or not.  
ARADIA: "How touching. I imagine venturing out into the dark for the rest of the night is probably a bad idea?" The Handmaid says, as she steps out from her position on the backline about 30 feet away from them. "As much as I'd love to kill more monsters, I'm running a little low-" She says, tugging down the front of her robe to show the dim purple stone, no longer as bright as it were hours ago, "-And I think stopping for the night here would be a prudent course of action."  
TEREZI: "I'm in agreement. I'm not feeling so hot after that Signless-damned ghost knocked me right out." Redglare sighs, flopping down onto the wet grass. "Would you care to do us the honors, AC?"  
NEPETA: "Of course!"

Vriska turned back on the [previous music](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=8FUpI0ciVlA#Etrian_Odyssey_Untold_2%3A_TKoF_-_Labyrinth_II_-_Ever-Scarlet_Forest), while the three adventurers got to setting up nightly camp in their little story.


	10. Chapter 10

TEREZI: Alright, so we're taking a long rest to end the day and waking up when it gets nice and sunny. When I asked AC to do the honors I had assumed, for some reason, that we have a tent, but that does not appear to be the case, actually.  
ARADIA: Is it dry enough to start a fire?

Vriska looks over at her computer, and then back at Aradia.

VRISKA: It has not stopped raining, no.  
NEPETA: Will that make starting a fire hard?  
ARADIA: Assuming that Vriska doesn't cancel my ability to cast spells with some anti-magic rain, no, it shouldn't be an issue. It's not anti-magic rain, is it?  
VRISKA: C'mon, would I pull anti-magic rain on you this early in the game? Or, for that matter, anti-magic anything?  
TEREZI: Yes.  
ARADIA: Yes.  
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!  
NEPETA: Heehehe-  
ARADIA: Anyway, does AC have to roll anything to find usable firewood?  
VRISKA: Hmm... Should I...?  
NEPETA: No!  
VRISKA: But should I...?  
NEPETA: Please, no?  
VRISKA: ...Fffffffine. You shall find your firewood unmolested.  
TEREZI: Gross.  
VRISKA: Shut up! I didn't mean it that way, and you know it!  
TEREZI: Yeah but it's still gross.  
NEPETA: So AC goes out for a little bit and grabs as many not-soaked sticks as she can get, after helping everyone else set up their bedrolls and stuff.  
ARADIA: Awfully gregarious of her.  
NEPETA: She's a big softie at heart! And on the outside, too.  
ARADIA: Alright, so, firewood, check. I'm gonna go ahead and say all the bedrolls are up against a tree for maximum cover from the rain. Actually, can we say that AC got enough wood for two fires?  
VRISKA: Sure, whatever.  
ARADIA: Cool. So, everyone is sitting there on our bedrolls, Handmaid trying not to look a little shaken from the elven undead's disgusting face. She lets little purple rivulets gather near the tips of her fingers, and then snaps them both simultaneously, causing both piles of soaked wood to immediately light up.  
NEPETA: AC--  
TEREZI: Just to clarify positioning and all that, Redglare is sitting in the middle, leaning on AC--  
NEPETA: Aww!  
TEREZI: Still a little ragged of breath from the experience of being almost instantly killed by a banshee. She's still at 8 HP, which is not great shape for someone in her condition.  
ARADIA: I can imagine.  
NEPETA: So, AC is a little enraptured with this magic. She's like a kid watching candy getting made, absolutely can't get enough of it! She's never seen magic before, at least not at this skill level and amount, so she's just kind of staring at the Handmaid's hands.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid notices after about a minute of luxuriating in the growing flames, her body barely able to sense the clay that comprises it getting warmer and drier. Don't worry, she's not at risk of falling apart or anything if she gets too wet, but it's nice to have a good, solid skin. "Did they not have task mages where you grew up, cat?"  
NEPETA: What's a task mage?  
TEREZI: It's basically a wizard that casts spells for money. Like, if you're a lawyer and you call in a wizard during an interrogation just to cast Zone of Truth and then you give them some gold for their service and they leave.  
NEPETA: Oh, okay! AC's head snaps up to face the Handmaid and she shakes her head. "I don't remember where I grew up, but I don't think it had those. I get a distinct impression that I grew up somewhere small and out-of-the-way."  
TEREZI: Redglare looks back up at AC from her position on the shorter girl's shoulder, raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that? You carry yourself like someone from a royal citadel."

Nepeta blinks a couple of times. Is this kosher? She didn't really come up with a backstory, since the amnesia thing let her make stuff up as necessary, but was letting someone else do the making up fine? She looks towards Vriska, silently pleading her for advice with her kitty-cat eyes. Vriska blinks a couple of times back and then, realizing the unspoken question, gives her a thumbs up.

NEPETA: "Do I?" AC asks, confused. She reaches into her knapsack and pulls out her Soldier's Insignia, passing it down into Redglare's hand. It's wide and shield-shaped, made of metal, with a trident-like symbol on the front and the initials "AC" carved into the back crudely. Like, with a knife or something.  
TEREZI: Do I recognize the insignia?  
ARADIA: What about the Handmaid? She's been wandering for a bit.  
VRISKA: Hmm... Roll History, but Redglare's been wandering long enough that she gets Advantage on the roll. I'm not telling you the DC.  
TEREZI: You never tell us the DC anyway.  
VRISKA: Point taken.

**Terezi has rolled a 20 and an 18! Aradia has rolled a 5!**

VRISKA: So the Handmaid definitely doesn't recognize it but Redglare definitely does. Not only is it an insignia from the Alternian Empire's military, but it's also a high ranking captain's insignia from the royal guard itself. The fact that AC has something like this raises many questions, considering the Alternian Empire is both your employer and the former residing place of the Prince of Rage and Dualscar.

Everyone seems somewhat shocked by this revelation, even Nepeta. Suddenly, she feels a little sense of bubbling giddiness rising in her throat. The excitement of a story well told. The drama of an excellent roleplay getting itself off the ground, plotlines intermingling, intermixing, weaving together into a complicated tapestry. Such beauty!

TEREZI: Redglare's eyes widen, and then narrow, as she passes the insignia back to AC. Her face is uncertain whether it wants to be angry, suspicious, or concerned, but she pulls away from AC's shoulder--  
NEPETA: Aww!  
TEREZI: And coughs a couple of times. "Yes. You do, considering that, should this particular insignia match to your previous identity, you are a Captain of the Alternian Empire's royal guard. Literally within the same court as the Prince of Rage on presumably a daily basis. And all this memory is just... Gone?"  
NEPETA: AC balks, her face draining of blood. Mostly out of fear, though! She doesn't want to do this whole thing alone and she really doesn't want Redglare mad at her. "I-I promise, I don't remember a thing. I don't even know if that insignia is mine! I just woke up with it in a hole outside of town."  
TEREZI: I'm going to roll Insight to see if she's doing any weird body language tells.

Nepeta frowns just a little bit.

**Terezi has rolled an 18!**

TEREZI: That's a 20 with my skill proficiencies. And don't worry, Nepeta, I know out-of-character that AC isn't suspicious, this is just how Redglare would act in the situation.  
ARADIA: The Handmaid is more or less apathetic, but she's watching and listening because it's interesting.

Terezi reaches out to hold Nepeta's hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of Nepeta's knuckles and giving her a nice little smile.

VRISKA: AC seems as sincere as werecatly possible. There's absolutely no tells that would indicate she's trying to fool your well-practiced eye, with the only possible tells being the kind of nervousness that someone would have when they're being accused of trying to sabotage the bounty they're on.  
TEREZI: And if she's good enough to lie this convincingly to Redglare, then Redglare would probably let it be. Her face weakens back into a weary smile and she passes the medal back to AC. "I believe you. At the very least, this is a clue to your previous identity - even if it's not your medallion, it's someone's, that was in contact with you for long enough that you managed to get it from them. So, I say after we clear up this wand and gnoll business, we take a trip to Alternia. It's possible that the same events leading to the Prince of Rage's defection led up to your amnesia, considering the time-scales involved."  
ARADIA: Huh... I hadn't considered that, actually. Wait, is that real or are we just kind of improv-ing that into existence?  
NEPETA: Yep! AC woke up only about a month or two ago.  
VRISKA: Which lines up with the Prince and Dualscar abandoning the state, yeah. The two events seem to be more or less simultaneous.  
ARADIA: Interesting. The Handmaid stays silent, holding her hands out in front of the fire.  
NEPETA: "No objections here!" AC says, clearly happy to have Redglare believe her. "What about you and your history, Redglare? You seemed to have prior experience with that monster, did you not?"  
TEREZI: Redglare sighs. "You're correct - I have a very poor history with banshees. I won't bore you with all the details, Signless knows how much I've talked today, but suffice to say that a while ago I was doing a lot of... Soul searching. Trying to connect with my kind--"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid perks up just a little bit. "What do you mean by "your kind", exactly?" She asks, turning just her head towards the other two.  
TEREZI: "I mean elves. I was raised in a mostly human village and, as a result, took on values that most of my kin consider anathema. But I consider them disgusting wastrels, so the feeling is pretty mutual. Either way, when you hang around elves for too long, banshees are more or less an inevitability. I've slain a couple in my heydey. That's the short version" Redglare finishes, brushing some whitish hair out of her face.  
NEPETA: "Wow! Hard to believe you've had a heydey at any point that wasn't today. You really handle that sword well!" AC replies, giving Redglare a little thump on the back.  
TEREZI: Redglare laughs. "You flatter me. This sword is nothing more than the law given shape, nothing so extravagant as a blade to be "handled"."  
ARADIA: The Handmaid chuckles a little to herself, rolling her eyes. "A sword made out of literal law sounds far more extravagant than a sharpened iron stick."  
TEREZI: Redglare smiles cockily back to the Handmaid, gesturing her cane towards her. "Can a woman not speak with flowery tongue for once in her life without being insulted by a thoughtless golem?"  
ARADIA: "Perhaps the fact that it's a pattern calls for some introspection, eh, Neophyte?"  
TEREZI: "I-"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid laughs curtly a couple of times, rubbing her hands together to scrape off flaking clay. "I'm only joking. Use as flowery of a tongue as you like, so long as you can put your gold where your mouth is when we need it."  
TEREZI: Redglare glowers at the Handmaid. "Of course I can. Or was slaying the banshee not enough of a demonstration of my skill?"  
ARADIA: The Handmaid narrows her gaze slightly. "You didn't "slay" anything - it was a team effort, remember? If not for our good friend AC, you'd have been as good as dead on the ground. Consider yourself lucky I was there to help."  
TEREZI: "Luck considered-"  
NEPETA: AC interrupts! She flails her hands out a little and whisper-yells "Quiet! Or do you want your arguments to attract undue attention?"  
TEREZI: Redglare scoffs, twisting her head away from the other two and starting to shuffle slowly into her bedroll. "I am perfectly content to argue in quiet, if that's what she likes."  
ARADIA: The Handmaid rolls her eyes again, scooting closer to the fires. She slowly begins to pile sticks closer together, drawing the two lightly crackling flames into one another to form a larger, composite fire. She passes her fingers through the fire for short moments easily, but still flinches away from longer moments in the flame.  
TEREZI: Redglare, still exhausted, turns around and shuffles some of the lighter, comfier objects in her packs and bags to form a pillow. She stares upwards at the canopy, letting raindrops fall on her face.  
ARADIA: "I'd rather not. I'll save my energy." She says, and then curls up on top of her bedroll, folding her knees inward. The soft little light in her pupils dims quickly, before leaving nothing, and just like that, she's out like a light.  
NEPETA: AC looks around, and then down at her feet.

Nepeta looks around, and then down at her feet. She leans over to catch a glimpse of Terezi's behemoth character sheet, but when her girlfriend just passes it over she gives it the skimming she was looking to do anyway.

NEPETA: Right. Um. AC turns to Redglare and asks: "Wait, so, elves trance instead of sleep, right? Why are you getting into bed?"

The corner of Vriska's lips turn upwards just a touch.

TEREZI: Redglare stares up at the ceiling. "It's more comfortable than grass. I'm not nearly in touch with nature as others of my kind, and when I meditate, I do so lying down, with my head on a pillow, like my father and his father and all the people I've known in my life that aren't elves. Why would I want to sleep sitting up?" She says, flicking her gaze towards the Handmaid for a moment. "That sounds uncomfortable."  
NEPETA: "Fair enough." AC says, quietly. She takes the time to slip into her bedroll, shuffling it towards Redglare a little bit. She takes in the heat of the combined fire. "Do you need me to keep watch?"  
TEREZI: "I was going to, but if you'd rather stay up, then I don't have a reason to say no." She says, letting her eyes droop shut.  
NEPETA: "Sleep well!"

**Author's Note:**

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